


A Time to Rend and a Time to Sew

by Rens_Knight



Series: A Healing Force [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26760409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rens_Knight/pseuds/Rens_Knight
Summary: As the Jedi Dr. Ben Solo helps treat a patient very dear to his heart, he must also come to grips with memories of the events that sent him on such a different path from his canon counterpart.Just because the outcome was better does not mean the pathway there waseasy...
Series: A Healing Force [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843372
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Part 1

Doctor Ben Solo would give thanks every day for the rest of his life that he had been at the hospital pulling a late shift _that night_.  
  
His back had been killing him all day for absolutely no apparent reason. Maybe he'd pulled something lifting a patient onto the table the day before--why had he been so stubborn and gone without repulsorlifts, or a Force-assist? Or maybe all he'd done was sleep on it the wrong way last night. Whatever it was, the pain had waxed and waned all day, never fading completely. If it kept up, he figured he'd pay a visit to Dr. Zarander for a scan to see what was going on.  
  
The silver-haired former Imperial and the lanky, oddball telepath--yeah, they made quite a combination, especially when Ben was fresh out of med school. But that was exactly what had drawn Rylkir to take him on during his internship and residency. They both knew what it was to be _different_ , something other, not quite understood, sometimes not quite trusted.   
  
Rylkir had been willing to give Ben a chance, see where his foreign, Force-augmented methods went and where he might find a place at Nema Memorial Medcenter--and Ben had returned the same. Rylkir had committed no crimes in the Imperial Medical Corps...he'd never been an interrogator, and he wasn't one of those _butchers_ who had called himself a doctor, experimenting on non-humans and humans alike. The Empire had put an end to the political turmoil that had wracked his homeworld of Halcyon since he'd been born, and the greater stability--awful as its price had been--had been enough to convince him to sign up for voluntary service as soon as he graduated from medical school. But all he'd wanted was to heal; that was the reason he'd joined the Corps. That was all he'd wanted then--and all he'd wanted after the fall of the Empire, too. Hell, he wasn't even a _bigot_ , even though his Imperial practice had meant he'd only ever been called to treat humans.  
  
Rylkir Zarander was merely a species _specialist_ , not a species _supremacist_. That was a legitimate type of medical practice, much in demand on any world, but when that species happened to be human, and that human happened to be a former Imperial--well, there seemed to be no such thing as forbearance in the eyes of some people. For them, once an Imperial, always tainted, no matter who or why. So for others to see the son of the great Senator Organa and General Solo treat him like something other than a snapping rakghoul who might give you a fatal case of the traitors with one wrong look...well, the improvement _that_ had brought him had gone a long way towards getting him off the knife's edge of quitting to Force knew where.  
  
As for this evening, Ben wouldn't have time to see Dr. Zarander right away: his services as a specialist diagnostician had just been requested. Getting his aching back looked at would have to wait for a couple of hours at least.  
  
For now, Ben tromped down the corridor at top speed, the white coat he wore over his tunic--a woven greyscale rainbow of sorts, running from darkest black to brightest white and everything in between--flapping behind him. In his right hand he held a cloudberry muffin. Well, for now, at least; the muffin was shrinking fast, at the rate he was vacuuming it in. With his left hand he thumbed his way through the datapad laying out what little was known about the patient he'd be seeing. For that work, he'd rely on his hypersensitive awareness of life and _feeling_ within the Force to guide him around obstacles.  
  
There were many reasons a specialist diagnostician like Dr. Solo might be called in to consult on a case in the civilized parts of the galaxy. The disease process or pathogen might be unknown, of course; that was the most obvious work of a diagnostician. A plethora of other reasons abounded, though. Scant literature might exist on the species itself. Language barriers, cultural taboos, or drastically different frames of reference might complicate the information-gathering process or even stall it altogether until the diagnostician found the root of the disconnect and a dignified resolution. Undisclosed psychological distress might hamper the patient's recovery or even warp the progression of illness into something other than its normal appearance.   
  
Or worse, a Force-related malady might lay buried beyond the reach of instruments. For _that_...Doctor Ben Solo was one of the _only_ qualified practitioners in the galaxy.  
  
But there was also _another_ reason a specialist diagnostician might be brought in: undetermined sentience. In far too many of the _less_ civilized parts of the galaxy, the most ancient medical philosophy still prevailed: a sharp division between sentient and veterinary medicine, which was decided by the dominant species, or group of species that willingly acknowledged each other. That was the world Uncle Luke had grown up in and Dad had frequented, and it had surprised Ben's family to learn with him that the fuller world of xenomedicine was much more complicated than one might ever think if all you saw were the fringes of the galaxy.   
  
Sentience was far murkier than a crisp line in the sand; it came in degrees. _That_ part hadn't come as a surprise to Ben, not with the intense wellsprings of emotions he'd always felt from the animals he passed near. What _had_ been a joyous surprise to him was the idea that even many of the higher animals, those with no hope of developing a full enough language to support arts and civilization, still merited much the same care and dignity as that afforded to known sentients. And if _any_ hope of proving that form of sentience existed, of establishing true rapport between doctor and patient, Ben's oath obliged him to pursue it.  
  
In the here and now, though, Ben stifled a flinch as something called him back up from his inner thoughts. Someone was headed his way--someone seeking his attention. He turned towards the closed office door he'd just passed...ahh-- _there_ was the familiar mind-signature. A fraction of a second later, the door slid open, revealing an enormous, tailless reptilian standing a good three centimeters taller than Dr. Solo, clad in a sleeveless, ankle-length ivory caftan, with brown and bronze patterns embroidered around the neck, hem, and down the front of the tunic.  
  
This time Ben did _not_ flinch. "Good Hunter," he greeted the female Trandoshan, bobbing his head in reptilianoid fashion.  
  
Dr. Essesk reciprocated the gesture, then nodded towards Ben's datapad. "Rrreading up on our nekssst hunt?" the olive-scaled woman hissed in a low contralto.  
  
Dr. Solo had worked with the Trandoshan oncologist long enough to know what she meant by that. Like most Trandoshans, she worshipped a goddess called the Scorekeeper, who awarded jagganath points to eternally credit each of her devotees' kills. Unlike some Trandoshans, who took up careers as soldiers, mercenaries, bounty hunters, or assassins, Essesk had declared a specialty in small game early in life--and by that she meant _microscopically_ small. Ben had seen Essesk's holos...trophies, she called them...in her office. Each portrayed a successful 'hunting party': the healed patient at center--the party leader, surrounded by friends and family, and their medical team on the outsides.  
  
And he felt the wellspring of passion that brought life and color to Dr. Essesk's sacred quest. It felt like a candle, burning bright, burning close. Such affirmation of _life_ : it almost made him forget the insistent pain shooting up his back and now working its way into the base of his skull.  
  
Some beings aren't strong in _using_ the Force, Ben thought to himself. But they certainly are _filled with_ it. And that makes them strong.  
  
Ben nodded--the human gesture this time. "No communication with our patient...but you're thinking she may be sentient?"  
  
"She was brrrought in as a rrresident animal by a Balosssarrr family...combination pet, worrrrking animal."  
  
Ben's stomach clenched at that. He could hear the pre-echo of a ' _but_ ' from the Trandoshan's thoughts, as she prepared her next sentence. A strong one. He stifled a gasp--for a second, the pain in his back threatened to kick the wind out of his lungs. Without meaning to, the sound gave him the opening to interject. He always had to watch that--speaking the thoughts people were still forming--but at least Essesk knew him well enough by now not to take offense even if he _did_ accidentally answer something he heard, that hadn't yet been spoken. "You have doubts?" Phrasing it as a question--speaking gently--that helped sometimes to keep it from feeling like an incredibly personalized act of aggression.  
  
Essesk hissed a sharp affirmation. "Yessss. The eyes...I feel like I am being watched. Measurrred. Lissstened to. But not anssswerrred. I have nothing to support thisss hypothesisss, no concrrrete action orrr communication. No...additional senssses the likesss of yourrrsss. But thisss being seems quite...sanguine in my presenssse, forrr a crrreaturrre itsss size, that is seeing a Trrrandoshan forrr the firrrssst time. No grrreat fearrr, no threat disssplay. It is an unusual forrrbearrrance forrr a non-sssentient to show beforrre a powerrrful prrredatorrrr."  
  
A shadow of second-guessing flickered across Essesk's aura, strong enough that Dr. Solo didn't even have to focus to notice it. "You have strong instincts, Good Hunter, and strong senses, and the heart to use them. We don't have to reach our conclusions the same way for me to trust you. And you know what? If I get a negative result, so be it. If someone wants to get onto you for 'wasting time' or some other kind of garbage--well, you tell them to feel free to take that up with _me_." Ben scowled at the hypothetical critics for a moment before turning back to the very real woman at hand. "Trust me, Essesk. You did right to bring me in if that's what your instincts are telling you to do. Better that you can sleep knowing the truth, whatever it is, than tossing and turning wondering if there was something else you _should have_ done."  
  
The reptilianoid chuffed softly. "Very well, Sssolo. You have convinsssed me."  
  
Ben smiled--an expression that waned as quickly as it came. That damn pain again...radiating down his arm now, on top of everything else...he was _definitely_ seeing Rylkir first thing after his shift--he was starting to think he'd pinched a nerve. That was as far as he would allow his mind to go. Either way, it was enough. Essesk cocked her head to the side. "Something the matter, Sssolo?"  
  
"No," the pale human replied a little too hastily. "No...it's just...troubled thoughts." Which _wasn't_ a lie, even though it wasn't Ben's _only_ trouble. "We have a seriously ill, potential semi-sentient if not _full_ sentient, being kept as a pet. I have to know, what kind of family are we dealing with? Do they know what I'm being brought in for? How are they treating this being, and have you had any indication how they might react if we have to break it to them that they'll have to relinquish ownership--for _that_ reason--on top of everything else that's going on?"  
  
"The family seems trrruly devoted to the patient, and devassstated by the illnessss...the child especially. It seems the crrreature has been a companion thrrrough the girl's own times of harrrdship. I cannot say as you would, how they will rrreact," Essesk was saying, though her sonorous voice was growing oddly muffled as the environmental controls seem to fluctuate wildly, hot and cold in turn, gravity intensifying, then relenting. The Trandoshan gave no sign of anything amiss, and Ben struggled to hold his focus, to keep his cool until he could find an excuse to sit down somewhere alone and catch his breath. "But I can tell you that it would be something for you to lisssten out for when we enterr-- _Sssolo!_ "  
  
Gravity won. The wind burst out of Ben's lungs this time and the pain--like a blaster bolt straight to the chest. The only thing that kept him from collapsing all the way to the floor was Dr. Essesk's strong, three-fingered hand clasping around his arm, the sensation muted as if through heavy gauze, and hauling him out of the middle of the hall as he struggled to catch his breath.  
  
_The Force_ , he realized all of a sudden: _it's the Force doing this to me. I'm safe--it's not me--it's not_ my _body!_ He had been here before. He had been here before and _he had lived_. Armed with that knowledge, he fought with eyes and mind as if with a saber to identify the source. That he had to know, even _more_ than he needed to regain control over his body. There was no malice--only pain, only confusion, only terror. This was _suffering_. His gazed latched first on Dr. Essesk. Confusion, fear, yes--but not fear for the self, rather, his own fear processed and reflected back at him. No--it wasn't her--another doctor, a patient somewhere in the vast hospital...?  
  
No. There was plenty of pain here, plenty of sorrow, but that wasn't the answer either. Ben cast his senses further, past the ordinary range of his empathy and into the alter-reality that only the Force could convey-- _further_ \--  
  
" _Hhhelp...her!_ " The words emerged, choked between ragged gasps, before he had time to process their message.   
  
Ben was regaining control by the second, but-- _rightly_ , the clinical side of him noted with surreal dispassion--that didn't stop Essesk from snarling at a stunned Chiss intern, " _Call Zarrranderrr. NOW!_ "  
  
"It's my mom," Ben Solo muttered, half to himself, half to the Force itself. The physical pain slowly receded as he armed himself further, with a name and a reason.   
  
A different sort of terror, a different sort of anguish took hold of him as he spoke again, more certain this time. "Oh, Force _...it's my mom_. Essesk, I can feel it _\--she's dying!_ "  
  
_He had been here before, but it wasn't the same then. But he had survived. He had_ survived _in spite of everything. And part of him could not help but live in the memory, for embedded within it were both terror and strength. And one could not endure without the other..._


	2. Part 2

_He had been here before, but it wasn't the same then. But he had survived. He had_ survived _in spite of everything. And part of him could not help but live in the memory, for embedded within it were both terror and strength. And one could not endure without the other...  
  
  
  
_ The test had seemed simple enough to young Ben: ask his family about Darth Vader. What he did. Who he was. To see if someone would tell the truth about him--the truth the Guardian in the Dark said was the source of Ben's power.   
  
The Guardian in the Dark--the voice that spoke without a sound in the night sometimes when Ben was alone--had not told him yet what that truth was. But he had promised this: _They are too frightened by the real truth to tell you. They hide it from everyone they meet. Including..._ especially _you. Ask them--all of them. Test their minds; see if they are telling you true. If_ they _aren't strong enough for the truth, the ones who are supposed to be strong enough for_ you _, how could they ever believe in their child? But_ I _know the strength you could have, child, if you can listen to me and learn how. You_ must not _tell them why you ask though. You_ must not _tell them about me, ever!_ the silent voice thundered, enough that Ben flinched and immediately chastised himself for his weakness. The Guardian's conclusion was calmer, though: _It won't be a useful test if you tell them. You don't want them distracted by two ideas instead of the one you want to test. Not when you're trying to sense the truth. Or a_ lie.  
  
Ben had learned a lot over the past year. That parents didn't always know or understand everything. That sometimes they got angry--or _scared_ of him, things that reminded him too much of the way the nasty kids at school felt. And he knew it was because he was different. Different even from Mom, or Uncle Luke.  
  
But he knew that with his family, those moments were _only_ moments. And even when it _did_ remind him of the cruel kids at school, there was no _hate_ behind it. No wish to make him suffer. They didn't want to push him out of their lives forever, or make him want to scream, cry, and hide so they could point and laugh at a moment of weakness, not the way all those bullies did. Even if they couldn't understand everything, even if sometimes they were scared, they wanted--like the Guardian in the Dark--for him to be safe.  
  
But how far would they go? Would they _lie_ to him? Really and truly, intentionally _lie_? And would they do it with something truly _important_ , like this? _  
  
_That, Ben had to know. He had to know who he could trust.  
  
The Guardian in the Dark had told him what to expect, when someone was lying or hiding the truth. Sneaky, guilty, scared all at once, scrambling to keep all the floating fake-story bits together so it wouldn't all blow apart.  
  
Ben figured since Mom could feel the Force at least sort of like he could, he'd start with her. The truth was, who Ben _really_ wanted to ask first was Dad, because Dad was just...easier to talk to. More relaxed. More...himself, Ben thought, though that seemed to him like an awfully strange thing to say. But since this was Force stuff, what if Dad honestly didn't know the answer? He could end up feeling embarrassed by that. And that might be too hard to tell from being ashamed by lying. The Guardian in the Dark seemed to think it was important to be _sure_ \--true, the Guardian himself seemed quite certain about what was going to happen, but _Ben_ wanted to be sure, too.  
  
So he asked Mom about Vader. And she shrank back inside, just as the Guardian had said she would. Shrank back and thought _really_ hard, just like someone trying to figure out the right story to tell so she didn't get in trouble. And she'd told him that Darth Vader was an evil creature in a suit of armor and a mask who had killed billions of people--but that he'd been defeated, he was _nothing_ now, and Ben would never have to worry about him the way she had.  
  
There had been something else, though, especially when Mom had insisted that Vader was _nothing._ Something that told Ben that Vader very much was _something._ And that the Guardian in the Dark had been right about Mom: as expected, she had lied.  
  
That had made Ben mad enough to fly his toy X-wing into the wall with the Force after he got back in his room, hard enough that the gun turrets snapped off. But with a twinge of shame as he took the wrecked toy in his hands, Ben had remembered he was not done. There'd be another chance tomorrow: Uncle Luke was coming to visit.  
  
So when his mom and dad went out that afternoon to see some boring holomovie for grownups (had he really sensed that Dad thought it was boring too, even though he was going?), leaving him alone with Uncle Luke, Ben knew he had his opportunity.  
  
He asked Uncle Luke who Darth Vader was. And even in that moment, somehow he knew he would never, _ever_ forget the haunted, parsecs-distant look in his eyes right before he turned his head to the side, staring off at _something_ deep inside his memory. Nor would Ben forget the inner impression of his uncle, struggling within himself, first to do _something_ , and then... _what_ to do... _  
  
_And then Uncle Luke had turned back to face Ben, kneeling down and staring Ben directly in the eye. There was a sort of fear there, yes. But there was also strength. A steadiness within Luke that wavered neither to the right nor to the left as he drew in a breath and gave his answer. "Ben...'Darth Vader' is the name that my father--your grandfather--used during the second half of his life. When he served the Dark Side of the Force, and the Empire."  
  
Ben felt an icy cold stab in his gut. This was the truth. _This_...was the truth.  
  
"I know this is hard to hear," said Uncle Luke. "And scary. Sometimes...it scares me too. And I think it scares your mom and dad, because we all have to live with the things we saw Darth Vader do. I hope you never have to see things like that, Ben. You have such a heart..."  
  
It was almost too much. But Ben warned himself to _be strong._ It was what the Guardian in the Dark would tell him. But something told him the Guardian would not like his next question. He wouldn't like _any_ of this, not at all.  
  
"Am I gonna be like Darth Vader?"  
 _  
_Uncle Luke reached out and set his hands on Ben's shoulders. He could feel their weight pressing down on him on his body and in his heart both. "Ben, you need to listen to me very, very carefully. This is _important._ You are strong in the Force, and you may even be stronger than me someday. Your path will not always be easy. But you _have a choice_ what kind of person you want to be. You _always_ have a choice. No one can _ever...ever_ take that away from you. Your grandfather Anakin started out as a brave Jedi Knight who cared very deeply about the people he loved, and about making things right in the galaxy. He remembered that in the last minutes of his life, and he decided to sacrifice everything to become a good man again, and make sure that his son got to live. What he did started the fall of the Empire. And it's _also_ because of my father that your mom, your dad, and I are all here. And why we have _you_."  
  
Ben's eyes went wide. "Wow...he really did all that?" Then he gave a little scowl. It didn't make sense. It sounded too good to be true. Maybe that was because it _wasn't_ true. He had to find out. "Why?" Ben pressed. "After all the bad things...what made him change his mind?"  
  
Luke thought about that. "I don't know all of it," the Jedi admitted. "But I think it wasn't his mind he changed, as much as it was his heart. He didn't know your mom and I were alive until the last year of his life. And I think learning he still had a son and daughter reminded him there was still something worth loving. So even though things still looked hopeless to him...I think knowing that his son was trying to find something better in him helped _him_ to find the good that was still left inside him. I was the only one who had even _tried_ to see him as anything more, for the last half of his life. Not because he deserved it, but because I was his son."  
  
"But..." Ben frowned. "Mom said Vader was just a monster in a mask." He knew she'd been hiding from the truth. He'd sensed that. But why? Was it, as the Guardian in the Dark suggested, because she thought Ben couldn't handle it? Or...was there another reason? So much was going differently from what the Guardian had predicted. Promised. Enough that even what had _looked_ to be as the Guardian had said, Ben was starting to question.  
  
Luke lowered his voice. "He was. And he was _more._ Your mother saw the worst of him--he made her watch the destruction of Alderaan. I wasn't there for that. I saw the best of him--I saw him destroy the Emperor, and I _felt_ him start to love again. She wasn't there for that. For each of us, those are some of the most powerful, painful memories in our lives, and we can never forget them. And that colors how we see and how we feel about Vader and what happened. Maybe it always will. But you know what, Ben?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"When I see you, I see so many of the _good_ things my father had, getting a second chance with you. A _better_ chance."  
  
Ben smiled...for a moment. Then an awful thought crossed his mind. "What does Mom see when she sees me? All the stuff that was bad about Vader?"  
  
Luke thought about that. "It's hard for her when she feels the Force sometimes, because that reminds her of Vader, and all of the ways he misused its power. But I can feel that she _loves you._ And you know what, Ben? When she sees you, I think she sees what's good about Alderaan continuing on, getting another chance. But _most_ importantly, we all love you, and we believe in you, because of who _you_ are, Ben." _  
  
_And that, Ben could hear with all his heart, was the absolute truth.  
  
His heart flew even more when Dad came home and he told him everything Uncle Luke had told him about Grandfather, and a moment of surprise turned into a moment of _confirmation_ again. Confirmation that for Dad, this truth was the same _truth as it was for Uncle Luke.  
  
_ Uncle Luke had had to head back to his ship to get packed and head off to wherever it was he trained future Jedi. After he left, Dad told him more stories about Uncle Luke and Vader. How they'd first figured out they were related. ("C'mon, Dad, why didn't Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru just give Uncle Luke a new last name like Grandpa and Grandma Organa did for Mom?" "I dunno, son.") How Vader had first told Uncle Luke about it. ("And then he cut off Uncle Luke's hand? That's a _really stupid_ way to try and make somebody like you!" "You're tellin' _me_ , kid!")   
  
They'd gotten so caught up in stories and playing that Ben almost forgot all about the Guardian in the Dark. And he hardly even sensed Mom when she got home from work, didn't realize she'd snuck up so close that she could hear everything he and Dad were saying, as he played Darth Vader and Dad pretended to be Uncle Luke. In fact, he hardly even noticed her until they got to the hand-cutting part. _That_ had been enough to send Ben back to playing his favorite game--Ben Solo, Intergalactic MD--and he ran out of the room at top speed to grab his toy medkit to pretend to patch up Dad. That's when he nearly ran into Mom.  
  
When Mom didn't say anything or even really _look_ at Ben as he squeezed by her, that's when Ben knew something was serious. And he listened with his ears and heart from the playroom as Mom and Dad talked about what Uncle Luke had told him. He didn't catch it all, but he _did_ hear Dad say one thing really clearly: "Hey, don't worry, the kid can handle it. Have a little faith in him."  
  
Wow. Not only did Dad love him--Dad thought he was _strong_. Strong enough for the truth.  
  
All of a sudden, the big secrets Ben was keeping gave him a really sick, scary, ugly feeling deep down in his stomach. He didn't think he could talk to Mom. Not the way she kept secrets. Not the way she shut the door on her heart when he tried to listen. But he knew one thing for absolute sure now.  
  
He could _always_ talk to Dad.  
  
As he forced down his dinner, he tried in vain to work out what to say. Just because he could hear others' thoughts sometimes didn't make putting his own together much easier. They weren't him. They had no idea what it was like to _be_ him. They couldn't. Probably didn't even _want_ to--the Guardian in the Dark--he was _always_ saying that, and it was true...except that he'd been wrong about Dad.  
  
The next thing Ben knew, dinner was over and Mom had retreated into her office to finish up whatever Senate stuff she had to do this time. Still not knowing what to say, Ben headed the opposite direction.  
  
Hearing feet trailing behind him, three little steps for every big one, Dad turned around. "What's goin' on, Mr. Ben?"  
  
 _Mr._ Ben. He was a big boy. He could do this. "I wanna ask you a question."  
  
Dad raised an eyebrow. "Okay, kid...shoot."  
  
"I...um..." He reached out with his mind. Mom was in another room, feeling like the kind of busy that suggested she wouldn't be paying any attention to anything else. That didn't stop him from feeling prickly all over. Like this might be dangerous, even _wrong_ somehow.

"How come Mom gets scared of me sometimes? I don't want to scare her! I _love_ her. I just want her to feel that. And I want her to let me feel it if she loves me."

"What?" Dad came to a halt. Ben felt a spike of fear first--was Dad mad at him for asking that kind of question? No...that wasn't what Ben felt the most of from his dad. What he sensed was worry. Concern. Hurt. And love. "Ben, what makes you ask a question like _that_?"

"Because she can hear what my heart feels..." Tears tried to push their ways to the corners of Ben's eyes, but he forced them back. He was a big boy...Mr. Ben. And the Guardian in the Dark said he had to be _strong_. And...Dad thought he was strong too. Ben couldn't afford to mess that up. So he steadied his little voice and continued. "She pushes me out. She doesn't want to hear me. She gets _scared_...and it hurts. I know you _can't_ do Force stuff and hear what I feel...but if you could, _you_ wouldn't wanna make me go away...would you?"

Dad's face got really serious, and he looked down at Ben. "Kid, I think we need to get your mom and all go in the bedroom and have a talk about this."

Ben's lower lip wavered. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, Ben. You are _not_ in trouble," Dad said, very slowly and carefully. "But this sounds serious. If something's making you feel hurt, or like Mom or I don't love you, then we _really_ need to talk about it, so we can try to figure out how to make this better."

"Is Mom gonna be mad?"

Dad sighed. "I don't think she's gonna be mad at you, Ben. It might be hard for her to talk about--'Force stuff' always is for her--but I'm gonna stay right there with you, okay? Because if we _don't_ talk about whatever's bothering you, then we don't get a chance to fix it...and that wouldn't be fair to us, _or_ to you. I'm not going to leave until I'm _sure_ we've got all of this worked out."

Ben felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up when Dad said _it wouldn't be fair_. The Guardian in the Dark had always told him _not_ to talk to Mom and Dad, _not_ to give them a chance with stuff like this. Like _the Force_. As his stomach started churning, Ben started having second thoughts. "Do we _have to_ talk to Mom?"

"Yeah." Dad nodded. "We do. This is probably not gonna be easy, but neither are most things that are really worth doing. Why don't you hold my hand, Ben? We'll walk in there together. You know what pilots always say, right? 'I've got your back'?" Ben gave a nod of his own. " Well, I've got your back, Ben. I promise."

Ben blew out a shaky breath. "Okay, Daddy," he whispered. Dad was going to be there. And the Guardian in the Dark _wasn't_ there...it didn't feel like it. The Guardian didn't need to know about this, did he?

Dad offered his hand. And together, father and son headed towards the office.  
  
Dad rapped on the frame of the open door with his knuckles, but Mom was already turning to look, her brow furrowed with...annoyance? Anger? Worry? Ben did his best not to reach out with his mind, no matter how much he wanted to settle the flutterflies in his stomach.  
  
"Hey...Leia," Dad said once it registered with him that he had Mom's attention, "we need to talk."  
  
At the urgency of those words, Mom swiveled her chair all the way around to face them. Ben gulped. This was starting to feel like a worse and worse idea. Dad squeezed his hand as Mom asked, "What's this about?"  
  
Thankfully Dad spoke up first. "Well, honey, I don't really understand it the way Ben does, but from what I can tell, it's really important. And it's really bothering him. I might be sticking my nose in where it's not supposed to go, when it comes to all this Force stuff, but it's pretty clear to me that we _really_ need to sit down and talk about it as a family."  
  
As soon as Dad said, 'Force stuff,' something registered very clearly from Mom, something he couldn't miss even with all the effort he was making not to aim his mind in her direction: fear. Just like when he asked Mom about Vader. Was she scared of _him_? Of _Ben_? Was the Guardian in the Dark right after all? Was this all a terrible mistake, for him to be doing exactly what the Guardian told him _not_ to do?   
  
"See, Daddy?" Ben's lower lip trembled, though he tried his best to hide it. "I got a bad feeling." That was something he heard Dad say sometimes...and boy, did it ever fit here. Well, except for the fact that _he_ wasn't the only one with a bad feeling--Mom had the worst of all. "Can we just forget about it, Dad? I don't wanna do this anymore..."  
  
Dad held firm--gentle, but firm. And the look on Mom's face...now _that_ was definitely worry this time. "Ben, you've got to trust your instincts. You had the right idea the first time. _I promise_ it's going to be fine," he insisted as he scooped Ben into his strong arms. There was no escaping now as Dad started walking towards the bedroom. It didn't take long for Mom to follow.  
  
Dad sat down in the big, overstuffed armchair, placing Ben on his lap as Mom took a seat on the edge of the bed. Even there, Mom looked every bit the princess and the senator. Ben swallowed hard, again. "All right, Ben," said Dad once they were both settled in. "Go ahead and tell Mom exactly what you told me."  
  
"But...Dad, I don't wanna get in trouble..."  
  
"You are _not_ gonna get in trouble," Dad repeated, locking eyes with Mom. "We're here for _you_. And nothing is going to change unless we all talk about it."  
  
A strange and disturbing thought flitted across Ben's mind: _should_ it change? But as the warmth of Dad's steady presence soaked into him, Ben looked up. And Mom's face softened, just a bit. "Mama..." Ben looked into her brown eyes. So far, he saw no anger. So far. "I...I love you..."  
  
"I love you too, Ben." Mom managed a faint little smile. Then it faded. "Can you tell me what's wrong, honey?"  
  
"I love you," Ben repeated, "so much. But I don't know why you don't want to _feel_ it from me. How much I love you. Why you don't want to let me feel it all the way, from you."  
  
" _What...?_ " Mom gasped. "That's not--"  
  
Over Ben's head, he didn't have to see it to feel Dad's eyes boring deep into Mom's as he spoke, softly, but insistently. "Leia...please, let Ben finish. He's worked up a lot of courage to come in here and say this."  
  
Dad really _did_ have his back. Ben's heart swelled even as his small body still trembled with the effort of what he had to say. "I can feel it when you get scared," Ben told her. "Like I'm doing something bad! And all I'm trying to do is just tell you with my heart how much I love you. And _feel_ it--really _feel_ it from your heart, into mine. I know Daddy can't hear it. Can't feel the Force. But Mama--you can, and I keep feeling you pushing me away, and I don't know why...and it makes me feel so cold...and lonely..."  
  
"Oh, my Force..." Mom whispered. Her eyes began to glisten. "I didn't know, Ben...I didn't know how _hard_ it was on you. _I love you, Ben. I love you._ " And she said it both with her voice, and with her heart, straight into Ben's heart. And for the first time, Ben could _really_ feel it: deep as the Force, bright as the great Light.  
  
As for him...he grinned, ear to ear. "I love you, Mom." Then he said it again, without his voice this time: _I love you, Mom. So much!_ And this time, Mom did not push him out. Instead, the warmth just grew from both directions.  
  
Still, Ben could feel it, just a bit, sneaking underneath the warmth, just a little sliver of cold. Of fear. His features fell. "Mom..." His voice trembled. "Can I help you not to be scared?"  
  
"I'm not--" Mom caught herself. Her shoulders sagged. "The truth is, Ben...sometimes I _do_ get scared of what I can do. And what I've felt _other_ people do with the Force."  
  
"Like Darth Vader?" Ben asked in a tiny voice. "Is that why you wouldn't tell me about him?"  
  
Slowly, Mom nodded. "When I met Darth Vader up close..."  
  
"On the Death Star," Ben filled in.  
  
"Yes, Ben...we were on the Death Star. And Vader kept trying to get me to tell him where the Rebel Base was..."  
  
Ben leaned in, eyes wide, with hushed curiosity. "Which Rebel base? There's lots of them..."  
  
"This was the one on Yavin 4," Mom told him. "Where the Rebel Alliance had the first battle we _really_ won--"  
  
"After Scarif!"  
  
Han nodded. "That's right, Ben. You're good at this history thing." The boy beamed at the compliment. "But let's let Mom tell her story--it's important to her, just like what you had to say to _her_."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Mom took a deep breath, wrapping her arms around herself, and started again. "Vader was trying to get me to tell him where that base was. If I had, it could have shattered the Rebel Alliance. He tried everything he could think of--and when I _still_ wouldn't tell...he decided to try and pull it out of my mind. I fought him off, and he didn't get anything from me, but it _hurt_."  
  
"But Mom..." Ben looked deep into her brown eyes. He could _see_ the pain...he could _feel_ it.... "I don't want to be like that. I don't want to hurt you. Ever!"  
  
Mom managed a small smile. "I know, Ben. I know you don't. Sometimes, people can't help remembering it when something bad happens, over and over again. That's one of those things, for me. And that's why I need privacy sometimes. And why it's tough for me if somebody sneaks up on my mind without asking."  
  
"What if I could take it away?" Ben asked, plaintive. "Would that make it better?"  
  
Mom shook her head. "No, Ben...it wouldn't. I just...have to keep moving forward. Being strong." The smile crept back onto her face, though. "But you know what? Maybe you can help me with that a bit--just by being the sweet little boy you are. All I need you to do is to always ask first...never go in my head without asking, and if I say it's not a good time, I need you to accept that, and not ask again. Showing me that I can count on you will be a _big_ help. Now that I think about it...I can't think of anybody better to practice with than you."  
  
"Sure!" Ben grinned--he could do all of that!  
  
But then his stomach twisted with discomfort. The Guardian in the Dark never asked before _he_ started talking inside Ben's mind. He just did. He could see...he could _feel_ how much it had hurt Mom when Vader did something like that to her, even without reaching into her mind. It was just _leaking_ off of her, everywhere. Then Ben thought about the times when the Guardian had yelled inside his head. How that hurt. Was that... _wrong?_  
  
He frowned. The Guardian had been wrong about a lot. Dad and Uncle Luke had told Ben the truth about Darth Vader, the first time he asked. And Mom...yeah, she'd been scared the first time, but this time there was nothing to make Ben think she wasn't telling the truth now. Everything felt absolutely crystal clear. The Guardian had been so sure _none_ of them respected Ben well enough to do that...but they did. And on top of that--not only was Mom not scared of Ben and what he could do, Mom was asking _him_ for help.

Mom didn't miss much. "Are you okay, Ben? Is there something else going on?"  
  
He'd gone too far. He shouldn't say anything about this. He should just tell the Guardian in the Dark that he was wrong the next night he showed up. "Uh...nothing," he said, leaning back on Dad's chest.  
  
Dad commented, "Feels like a pretty big thing for a 'nothing,' Mr. Ben."  
  
Ben craned his little neck around to look up at Dad. "Huh? How'd you do that?"  
  
"Aha, guilty as charged," Dad remarked with a sly, crooked grin. "There _is_ something else eating at you, isn't there? I may not feel the Force, Ben, but I could feel how _still_ you were. There's always something strange about it when a Solo actually sits still, you know..."  
  
Uh-oh...busted, Ben thought to himself. _Now_ what could he do? If there was one thing the Guardian in the Dark _hated_ , it was the idea of telling anyone about his presence. Ben squirmed in his father's lap. Nope... _that_ didn't help with anything except making Ben even more nervous. Dad might not have been a bounty hunter like that nasty Boba Fett he'd told Ben about one day when Mom was off doing Senate things--but he was not to be thrown off the scent that quickly.  
  
What if Mom and Dad _and_ the Guardian in the Dark all got mad at him? It had been so long since the Guardian first showed up and Ben had done as told and not said anything about the mysterious visitor...would they blame Ben, for keeping it quiet all this time? Then he would have _no one_. No one at all.  
  
"You can tell us anything, son," Dad encouraged him. "Anything. I mean it."  
  
Ben was trembling now. He couldn't meet his mother's eyes. "You're gonna be mad," he whispered.  
  
"Even if I get a _little_ mad," Dad answered, "if you did something you need to own up to, I'm gonna be a lot _less_ mad about it if you tell the truth, than if I find out about it myself later."  
  
Ben forced himself to look up. "Mom? What about _you_?"  
  
"Oh, honey..." Mom's tough 'senator' face melted away. "I don't know where you got this idea that my love has conditions."  
  
The boy's brow furrowed. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Something 'conditional'...it means you'll only do something if the other person does something," Mom explained. "And if they don't, then your promise is off. Sometimes I have to make promises like that in the Senate, but that's _not_ how I do things with family. When I say I love you, I _always mean_ I love you, no strings attached. If I put conditions on it...that wouldn't really be love. I'm not going to be a politician in my own home, using people to get what I want." Mom fretted. "I wish I knew where you _got_ this idea, that I could ever stop loving you."  
  
Ben felt a chill as he remembered the things the Guardian in the Dark would say. _If_ you keep quiet... _then_ I'll teach you. _If_ you'll listen to me, _then_ I'll make you strong. Otherwise you'll be weak, and you don't want that, do you?  
  
And Mom's words: I'm not going to be a politician in my own home, using people to get what I want.  
  
The Guardian in the Dark had never said what he _wanted_. But everything he said always had conditions. He had to want _something_. He did not love Ben, no matter how much he claimed to support him.  
  
Suddenly Ben felt a sick sense wash over him, through him. The sense of being in terrible danger. He couldn't keep it quiet anymore.  
  
"There's this guy...h-he said he'd help me get rid of all the nightmares...he told me he'd make me strong enough to destroy them to where they'd never come back--"  
  
"Where?" Dad cut in. "At school?"  
  
Ben shook his head. "No..."  
  
"Where?" Dad pressed again.  
  
"In my head. He talks to me in my head. He was the first person who ever _listened_ to me that way..." Mom flinched back at that, eyes flaring wide. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...!"  
  
"If this is some kind of imaginary friend thing," Dad said, "sounds like you figured out he's not helpful. We can just move on--"  
  
"But he's _not_ fake--he's _real_!" Ben insisted. All of this, all the courage it took him to say this, and now they thought he was just being a stupid little kid again? "And after he comes, the nightmares stop for a little while. He knows stuff-- _future_ stuff...and he's always been right--until now! He said you were all gonna lie about Darth Vader. That you wouldn't tell me that's where I get my power, because you were afraid!"  
  
Mom looked straight over Ben and at Dad. "Han." Her voice sounded flat. And now she really _was_ scared. "I don't think this is a game." She turned her focus back onto Ben. "Has he told you his name? Have you seen what he looks like?"  
  
Ben shook his head. "Not his _real_ name. He said he'd tell me that when I got strong enough. He told me to call him the Guardian in the Dark. He's just a voice. I don't know what he looks like."  
  
"Oh, Force..." Mom breathed. Then she gathered herself. "When does he come to you?"  
  
"At night, most of the time, after I go to bed," Ben confessed. "He says he can only be there for some of the time, so he has to make sure it's when no one else is there, so we don't get interrupted. Sometimes he wakes me up after a nightmare to help me fight it away. He told me if I said anything about him to you, that the nightmares would get stronger, and that they'd _never_ go away. He _scares_ me when he says that--I don't know what he'd do if he got mad..."  
  
"How long has this been going on?" Mom asked.  
  
"A while," said Ben. "Like a year."  
  
Mom looked deep into her son's eyes. "Honey, I need you to do us a favor. I'm going to need you to stay up late tonight, long enough for Uncle Luke to get here. Even if we need to keep you home from school tomorrow, it's _really_ important to for you to stay awake. Luke's going to need to hear all of this from you right away, and see if he can get any hints from the Force. This Guardian in the Dark is someone we need to know more about." Suddenly Mom turned on her 'command' voice--the same one she used in the Senate, and the same one Ben had seen in recordings of Mom during the war. This was _General_ Leia Organa. "Han--I need you to go comm Luke _now_. Don't tell him what it's about. Just tell him it's urgent and he needs to get his farm-boy butt over here immediately. No questions, just _move_."  
  
Despite the enormous weight of the moment, Ben found himself giggling at that.   
  
"I gotta get up, kid," said Dad, picking Ben up and setting him back down in the chair. "I'll be right back."  
  
That's when a horrible thought struck the six-year-old boy. If he was going to be staying up late, possibly way past his bedtime-- _oh, no_. "Daddy? What if he comes back tonight? The Guardian in the Dark."  
  
"Well, I'm gonna be here in the house, Ben. I'm just going to the next room to call Uncle Luke, and then I'll be _right back_ ," Dad promised. "Mom and me are gonna stay right with you until we get all this sorted out. Nobody is leaving you alone, Ben. I promise." With that he half-walked, half-ran out of the room, leaving Ben with Mom.  
  
As for Mom, she patted the spot next to her on the edge of the bed where she was sitting. "Why don't you come on over and have a snuggle, Ben?"  
  
"Mama..." Ben's lower lip trembled as he made his way over and hopped up at her side. "I'm really sorry..."  
  
"Please, Ben--" Mom pulled him against her side, holding him tight. "Let's just think about dealing with the situation at hand. Which we're _going_ to do. Right now, I'm just glad you decided to _talk_ to us."  
  
"What do we do?" Ben asked.  
  
Mom didn't speak for a second. Then she told Ben, "Well...right now, we're each doing the things we _can_ do. You told me. And Dad's telling Uncle Luke. We're going to take this one step at a time."  
  
"Okay," Ben managed in a small voice, and Mom hugged him even tighter.  
  
Ben wasn't sure how long it took Dad to get back in the room, but it felt like forever. He didn't want to look at the chrono--every minute later and later meant that much greater and greater of a chance that if the Guardian in the Dark chose this night to return, it would happen before Uncle Luke had time to figure out a solution.  
  
But return Dad did. "Luke's on his way," he told Mom and Ben as he headed for the chair again. "He said he's coming as fast as he can--I didn't tell him what was going on, like you said, but he got the hint. It's gonna be an hour, hour and a half tops, depending on how quick he can cut through all the traffic. That's the thing I hate about these city-planets," Dad commented, not for the first time. "Too much damn traffic, even in the middle of the night!"  
  
For once, Mom didn't shush Dad for saying 'damn' in front of Ben. The word that leaked out of _her_ head, loud enough that Ben couldn't help hearing it, was a lot worse, enough so that it made Ben gasp out loud in shock. "Mom!"  
  
"Sorry, honey," Mom murmured. That was almost as shocking in its own right. Mom wasn't the type to say she was sorry, even though she was big on Ben and Dad being polite and saying it a lot. "I just want your Uncle Luke to hurry up and get here. I guess we can thank the Force you said something before he left the planet."  
  
Dad mumbled something under his breath that sounded--and _felt_ \--a whole lot like, "Uh-huh, yeah, it's _because_ of the Force that we're _in_ this mess."  
  
Mom either didn't hear it, or chose to ignore it. That was _also_ something she did a lot when she didn't like something that was going on.  
  
Time crawled by. Mom and Dad did their best to keep talking about small things, things that had something to do with _anything_ except the Guardian in the Dark and the fear of what might happened if he returned. Anything to keep Ben from falling asleep, even as the boy started to yawn in spite of himself.  
  
"Fifteen minutes," Dad said after a while, stealing a glance over at the chrono. By now, it was _definitely_ past Ben's bedtime. Even Dad seemed to be getting tired--or tired of waiting, at least. He was starting to fidget. "At least, I hope so, the way that boy drives." Ben had ridden with Uncle Luke enough times already in his short life to know exactly what Dad meant by _that_. Not that Mom didn't yell at Dad to slow down whenever he drove a landspeeder or a skyspeeder, too. But Uncle Luke was even _crazier_ , as Mom put it. A lot more _fun_ , as Dad and Ben put it.  
  
"Let's just hope he doesn't get stopped," Mom groused. "Even if he Force sneaks his way out of a ticket, I still don't like the idea of Luke getting delayed like th--"  
  
That was when the deep and familiar voice suddenly _exploded_ in Ben's head.  
  
 _WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, CHILD?!_  
  
Mom stiffened. "Oh, my word!" she whispered, horrified. "So much darkness...!"  
  
There, in the bedroom at his mother's side, Ben screamed. " _N-nothing! Nothing! I didn't do anything!_ "  
  
"Is he _here_?" Dad questioned. "Now?"  
  
But Ben could hardly hear a word of it, and even less could he _feel_ it in his heart. _How dare you LIE to me!_ the Guardian in the Dark boomed, his words filling up every inch of space in the little boy's head, and then some. _How dare you BETRAY me!_  
  
"I didn't--I didn't--" Ben gasped.  
  
 _DO NOT INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE, PATHETIC YOUNG WHELP!_ the unseen being raged. _I know what you have done! You disobeyed me--you summoned Skywalker--!_  
  
"I didn't call Uncle Luke--that wasn't me--"  
  
 _But you told our secret!_ the enormous and _terrible_ voice shot back. _I can see your mind, child, every last speck of it! Do not even_ begin _to imagine that a tiny thing such as you could deceive me! And now--_  
  
Mom was right--something was wrong, _so much darkness_ , like he'd never felt from the Guardian in the Dark before. And Ben shouted into the air, words he'd _never_ imagined even as recently as this morning, that he would _ever_ have addressed to the Guardian. "GO AWAY!" The rage swelled in him further and further, as Mom held him tight. "You said they wouldn't tell about Vader. You LIED! Now, GO AWAY, you big, nasty LIAR!"  
  
"You go, son!" Dad cheered, even though he couldn't hear the Guardian's end of the conversation right now. "You tell him!"  
  
The Guardian's voice went quiet all of a sudden. For an instant, Ben wondered if he really had chased the frightening presence away. Then the voice returned...not yelling this time, but somehow infinitely _worse_. _Ahh, Mrs. and Mr. Leia Organa_ , the Guardian said. The hair on the back of Ben's neck stood up. _The royal one afraid of her own shadow, and her powerless consort._  
  
"Hey, _don't_ talk about Mom and Dad that way!" Ben snapped back. Oh, the Guardian had said things about them before, but never like _this_. Never with that hateful, sneering tone. And Ben wasn't having it anymore. Not _one bit_.  
  
"Be _careful_ , Ben..." Mom urged him. "We don't know what might happen if--"  
  
" _If what?_ " The words suddenly burst forth from _Ben's_ mouth, even as the boy's eyes flared wide in shock. " _If you continue to interfere with the design of things to come?_ "  
  
"Who is this?!" Dad snarled, standing up straight and _towering_ over Ben in a way that would have terrified him if some part of Ben hadn't still known that it wasn't _him_ Dad was after. "You let my son go _now_!"  
  
" _Dad...!_ " Ben choked out. "Mom--" Then he lost control again.  
  
He could _feel_ a distorted sort of grin twisting his face--one half of his face horribly alive, and the other like a death mask upon his young features. And he _couldn't_ stop it. " _You have no choice remaining to you_ ," the Guardian threatened Mom and Dad, using Ben's own voice to do it. " _This child had already chosen_ me _before your meddling and manipulation. And I have claimed him, for you would squander his boundless potential. You will_ give him to me _now, and utterly without reservation--_ "  
  
Without reservation, some part of Ben commented. That sounded an awful lot like _without conditions_...  
  
"No!" Dad fired back. Ben cheered inwardly, even though the enormous power that had seized hold of his body wouldn't let him show it. "Ben told you to go--now _scram_! You've lost! He's not going to follow you, and _we're_ not going to let him--"  
  
"Han!" Mom warned. "Stop antagonizing this thing!"  
  
The cackling that welled up from deep within Ben was absolutely _unholy_ , and it froze Ben's bones solid just as much as it seemed to Mom and Dad. " _Oh, how many things you_ presume _, oh, helpless one...you truly believe that the child's momentary treason means I have_ lost. Your better _has some sense, at least, even if not when it comes to training into her strengths. The reaches of space are no impediment to my power!_ " Ben felt _something_ building up as if from behind his ears. He didn't know what it was, but he would have trembled with fear if he could. " _You will give_ everything _of your son to me--or you will watch him suffer endlessly before your eyes!_ "  
  
 _Fire_ burned at the base of Ben's skull. Suddenly the boy could move. And he could _scream_. He clapped his hands to the back of his head and shrieked at the top of his lungs.   
  
Mom pulled him close, rubbing his back, trying to comfort him, but it was in vain. Suddenly Ben's _entire body_ was wracked with invisible, blazing lightning, and even _more_ where Mom's hands came into contact with Ben's clothes and his skin.  
  
" _Nnnoooooooooo!_ " Ben wailed. Tears sprang to his eyes against his will. " _Don't touch me, don't touch me--IT HURTS! MAMA, IT HURTS SO BAD!_ "  
  
Ben had no idea what he was doing when he did it. A pressure wave burst forth from him, flinging Mom back across the bed and into the headboard against the wall. Dad flinched back for a second, but he'd been mostly out of range. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he screamed. But it didn't stop the horrendous pain. And he shrieked again, at the top of his lungs.  
  
Then came the _fear_. It came from the outside--that Ben somehow knew for just a second, but then it no longer mattered. Screams and sobs sprang forth from the boy in an awful, instinctive cry from the depths of his very being, consuming him from the inside out at the same time as the pain burned his brain, burned his skin, burned every nerve that ran through his muscles and bones. " _Help me!_ " Ben howled at his parents through the tears, as they stood there by him, helpless to do anything, even to _touch_ him lest they add to the this unending agony.  
  
Then, without warning...the pain let go. But that _thing_ seized hold of Ben's voice again, mocking, taunting Mom and Dad. And Ben himself. That he somehow knew as well. " _Do you see now, the limits of your power, the boundlessness of mine? Surrender him to me at once, or I will drive him unto the edge of death, and empty his very essence from his body, that his power will become a part of mine!_ "  
  
"You _will not_ take our boy," Mom shot back. "I will stop you!"  
  
" _Oh, will you?_ " the Guardian in the Dark challenged her through Ben. " _As you have_ before _now? As you did when you were too busy with the affairs of the galaxy to sense what was going on inside your own house? Where is that defiance where it truly matters, oh, royal heir of dust and ice? Nothing but empty air--for it is already too late!_ "  
  
The blazing fire returned, blooming from the back of Ben's head and raging through his entire body once again. And somehow it was _worse_ the second time around. He wailed again, his scream bouncing out upon the walls and back into his ears, where even the noise itself _hurt, hurt, hurt_ , and hurt again...Mom raised her hands over his head, not touching him, but trying _something_ through the Force, something to let him know she was there, and inwardly he reached for the warmth, for something that wasn't the pain--  
  
And then it got worse. _So_ much worse. Suddenly Ben's muscles started seizing up, contorting his little body back onto itself in directions it was never meant to go. " _Mama, help me!_ " Ben cried. " _Daaaaaad! Make it stop! Make it stop! Please...! Please...! AAAAAAAAAGH!_ "  
  
I'm going to die, the six-year-old suddenly realized. It was a thought that no child should ever have. But there it was...I'm going to die. Right here, in front of Mom and Dad--I'm going to die. And he screamed again, as the last of his hope drained away.  
  
But Dad wasn't having any of it. "Hey, guess what--you're not the only one who can make threats, buddy!" Dad shouted, pointing a sharp finger at Ben--no...at the enemy he couldn't see. "I am warning you right now, if you _dare_ kill my son, _I will bring a WAR down on top of your head_ , the likes of which you have never imagined! I have done it before, and I _will_ do it again, don't you doubt that for even a second!"  
  
Something _popped_ at that moment--a _new_ pain now, one that radiated out from his left shoulder on top of the pain that already burned from the inside out. He couldn't... _shouldn't_ move his arm...yet it continued to move, to seize uncontrollably along with the rest of him. " _IT HURTS SO BAD! Help me, Mama! Daddy! I DON'T WANNA DIE!_ " He cried, he wailed, he choked on the terror--  
  
Then something pounded from the other side of the house, but Ben could hardly focus on that for even a fraction of a second. He felt things grinding against each other inside his body. Things that, if they twisted far enough out of place, might also break or go out of joint, just like his shoulder already had.  
  
The pounding noise got worse, until Ben suddenly heard a loud _boom_ , followed by the banging of heavy footsteps. Even the _sound_ drilled itself into Ben's brain, radiating out through his twisting body.   
  
" _AAAAAAAAAAAGH!_ " he screamed again. His throat hurt. Even _screaming_ hurt too much to do anymore. His body creaked and groaned, his heart pounded, his vision was whiting out and narrowing, his ears were starting to ring--he was losing--he was _dying_ \--and deep within him, the Guardian in the Dark was laughing, a terrible, deep sound that shook what remained of his hope out of his soul--  
  
" _STOP!_ " someone boomed.  
  
Ben couldn't see anymore. The pain had taken his vision by now. But it wasn't the Guardian in the Dark. It wasn't Dad... _Uncle Luke!_  
  
" _Help me...!_ " the little boy croaked as tears ran down his cheeks, tracing their own white lines of agony down his face. " _He's killing me--_ "  
  
"Take my hand, Leia...help me with this!" Uncle Luke commanded, even as the ringing in Ben's ears worsened, threatening to take his last connection to the world with it, drowned in an eternity of fire. "Ben, hold on--stay with us!"  
  
Ben whimpered, helpless to reply. Nearly helpless to even try to fight it anymore, the agony, the terror, the despair...the loss. The energy ran out of him, and he knew: the Guardian in the Dark was about to do it. To drain his power right out of him through the Force, and with it, his life. What once was white was going black, and the blackness was circling its way in, closer and closer until it took him somewhere where there was no pain, only the absolute end of all hope...  
  
All of a sudden a sense of enormous _power_ flooded into the place between the room and where he was going, like water, like air, whirling up all around him.  
  
 _Come on, Ben..._ The words floated through his mind and heart, rippling as though ion the ocean waves, in and out. It was Uncle Luke. _Breathe, Ben. In and out. In and out. Fight it!_  
  
It was too hard. He couldn't do it anymore. _I love you, Ben. I love you--stay with me--_ Mom this time. _Listen to my voice..._  
  
Ben couldn't fight. He was slipping away. But he could listen. And he could at least tell them goodbye. _Mama..._ he whispered with his heart. _I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let him get me...I'm sorry I hurt you...I didn't know._  
  
The sense of pressure crushed into his chest. Not pain, not the Guardian this time...nothing that meant to hurt, not that he could feel the ache through the nothingness that was starting to slip its way over his body once more. _BEN!_ Mom again. _Please, honey--don't let go! You can do this! Everyone's here for you; even 3PO came! Come back, please come back...!_  
  
There came the pressure. Again. Again. Again. This...wanted him to live. _Breathe, Ben! Breathe! Come on!_  
  
And all at once, Ben gasped deep, deep into his bones. There came a blast of light and color once more as his eyes flew open to behold a blur of blonde, tan, and beige--Uncle Luke!  
  
Ben gulped in the air again, greedily, as if coming up from beneath the surface of a deep, deep lake. "Ohhhh..." he groaned. The light was still too bright, everything was still too loud, and his nerves--knives of fire began to return to them in echo of what the liar, the Guardian had done to him.  
  
"Ben...Ben...Ben...!" Dad this time. Ben mustered up a faint smile--his first since the Guardian in the Dark tried to take that away from him forever. "Oh, thank you, Luke--thank you so much..."  
  
"Any time, Han...I'm just so grateful I could be here...now, Ben, let's get you back up on the bed..."  
  
A hoarse whisper emerged from the little boy, something like panic. "No..." Ben hissed with sudden clarity.  
  
"Oh, Force, is it back?" Mom asked.  
  
"No--no...my neck, my back...they hurt," Ben whispered. "Don't move me--that's _really bad_..." He'd read about it in a simple first-aid book Mom had given him for Fete last year to go with his doctor's kit: never move someone who might have a back or neck injury. And with the way his body had twisted upon itself, with all the grinding and popping he'd heard in his bones...he couldn't be sure.  
  
Dad drew in a sharp breath. "Oh, damn...Luke, _the kid's right_." Ben smiled again at that. Relief...and just a tiny bit of pride. "That son of a bitch could've broken something while it was busy trying to turn him inside out. We've gotta call the paramedics, let _them_ move him..."  
  
"Whatever shall we _tell_ them?" C-3PO fretted.  
  
"We tell them the truth," Uncle Luke decided. "He had a seizure. But as far as the Force healing he needs...we're it, Leia. There's no one else left in the Galaxy for this. But we _do_ have the power, and we're going to take care of you, Ben. You're going to make it. You're going to get better, I promise. And Ben..."   
  
Uncle Luke bent down over the boy's still, prone form. "What you did was very brave, coming clean to your mom and dad like you did. You did _not_ deserve to suffer like this for it. You didn't deserve _any_ of this. _Ever_. _No one_ has the right to torture a child."   
  
Torture. So that's what it was--the horrible _thing_ that the creature he had once called the Guardian in the Dark had done to him. It was an ugly word, for an ugly thing. "What if he comes back?" Ben whispered on a trembling breath.  
  
"I'm going to be staying with you for a good, long while, to make sure he _doesn't_ ," Uncle Luke replied. "But I'm not so sure, after what happened, that this thing is going to try with you again. It knows we're onto its game, and that I got information that might help us to find it. And _you_ helped beat it too, Ben. What you did tonight may have saved _many_ lives, not just your own. You did the right thing. And we are all very, very proud of you."  
  
With that, Ben closed his eyes and smiled through the remaining pain, as the family waited together for the paramedics to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This was a hard one for me to write, for obvious reasons, having to write the Guardian in the Dark (Snoke) doing this to a six-year-old child. It would be bad enough with anyone, but a child...God, that hurts. What was even creepier to me is that I've had this burdensome scene in my head for a year now, well before a certain scene in The Last Jedi that came shockingly close to what I had imagined Snoke might do to someone who displeased him...
> 
> Soundtrack: ("Memories" and "Exaltation" from MEA, "Samara" from Mass Effect 2 [ME2])


	3. Part 3

"Ben, your heart rate and blood pressure are seriously elevated, your bloodstream is shot _full_ of adrenaline and cortisol, and your neural activity's off the charts even for _you_. By all rights you should be on your way to having a coronary--or a _stroke_ , Force forbid!--not rushing off to treat a _family member_ in critical condition. You shouldn't even be _standing here_ in front of me right now!" Rylkir Zarander jabbed his index finger at the medical bed to their left. " _That's_ where you need to be--laying down, being monitored, while we get _both_ of you through this crisis!"  
  
"I know!" Ben Solo snapped, then winced. Dr. Solo squeezed his eyes shut and tried his best--in vain--to quiet his mind and slow his heart as his grey-headed mentor frowned at the readings he was getting from his scanner. How was Ben supposed to do _that_ , when the _Millennium Falcon_ was screaming into Coruscanti space at top speed with his mother fighting every second for her very life? When he could _feel_ it all around him, _through_ him?   
  
The official call hadn't even come in to the hospital yet--it wouldn't, not until the _Falcon_ got close enough to the planet to declare an in-flight emergency and receive priority escort through the layers upon layers of orbital and aerial traffic to some sort of safe landing. But that call would come soon. That absolute reality of this permeated every fiber of his being.  
  
"I know," Dr. Solo repeated once he could manage eye contact with Zarander again, his tone lower this time, his professional demeanor restored. _Just_. None of this was the older doctor's fault. But that didn't do anything for the rest of the fear. The shared pain. The yearning--no, the _need_ to _be there_. To _do something_. "I know, Ryl, you're just doing your job. But you have to trust me on this--it may not make sense with what you see on your scanner, but I am capable of handling this. I've been through even worse, and I lived. And now I have both the Force _and_ the science I need to hold the effects off as long as I need to. I'll pay a price later, I know. Getting _her_ a 'later'...that's all that matters right now."  
  
The former Imperial released a short, sharp sigh through his nose. "Even if that's true," he other doctor said, "that you can slow down or even stop the _physical_ wear and tear for now...I _can't_ just ignore what it's doing to you psychologically." Before Dr. Solo could fire off an indignant rebuttal, Zarander clarified, "Which is absolutely understandable for anyone, let alone a powerful empath. I know you have ways to focus--ways to meditate and decompress after you see patients. But something like this... _anybody's_ defenses, whatever they are, are in grave danger of being overwhelmed. And no one's judgment is operating at full capacity when they start thinking about treating a relative. Which is why it's against policy to do that."  
  
Dr. Solo nodded. Zarander was right. But he hadn't given up--not yet. It was against hospital policy, yes...but not against the medical oath itself, not at times like this, when no other choice remained. "I understand that," he acknowledged. "Any other time, I'd be right there with you on this."  
  
 _Of_ course _this would be your exception--that's my whole damn point!_ Rylkir was normally so controlled, but this time his thought leaked out so loudly the Force-telepath couldn't help but hear it. Dr. Solo fought not to wince, not to flinch, not to do _anything_ to acknowledge on what his mentor had clearly _not_ intended for public consumption.  
  
Instead, Ben did the exact opposite: he lowered his voice even further. He _had_ to show Zarander he could maintain control, no matter how much it cost him. "I know I'm not the first to ask this. But the policy is not absolute. There _can_ be exceptions, in an emergency."  
  
This time Zarander couldn't keep it in. "Every emergency cannot constitute an exception, Ben. We must have objectivity and _order_ , or finally someone just pushes too far and people start paying the price." Rylkir Zarander sighed again, remembering...something. The unrest on his homeworld before the Empire, the chaos of the Rebellion, Ben didn't know what. But the former Imperial's words were anything but the heartless, rote propaganda they so closely resembled...that Dr. Solo could feel emanating from the man as clear as day. The two physicians locked troubled gazes. "I don't want that person who pays to be you."  
  
"Look...Ryl, I appreciate your looking out for me. And I know that's what you're doing--I feel that," Dr. Solo assured him. "But there _is_ a reason I'm asking this. And not because--well, not _just_ because I'm scared. It's our Force sensitivity. I'm not trying to use it as some sort of excuse to ignore the rules. It's just that it _does_ affect us both. Mom doesn't really show what she could do, with most people--but she _does_ have the power, and you've seen how it changes the way my mind and body process things. And from what I can tell, _how_ that happens differs with each of us. What works for me won't necessarily work the same way for her, so someone needs to be there who has those other senses to speed up the assessment and the reaction time. I don't have to be alone, and I don't _want_ to be--but she _needs_ a Force-healer on her treatment team, Rylkir, and I am the only one on Coruscant. There are so few of us--none of the others can make it in time, and they wouldn't have the experience I do."  
  
"I can at least try to make sure you're consulted," Zarander conceded...sort of. "But--Ben, I'm not going to dance around this anymore; I've just got to come out and say it. There is a serious conflict of interest involved in treating your own mother. The Ethics Committee'll have tookittens over something like this, and _not_ without good reason!"  
  
"Yeah. I know. But still...there's one other thing," Ben added, lowering his voice again to the point where it was barely more than a tremulous whisper. What I'm _feeling_ right now from her...it hurts, more than it has with any patient I've ever treated in my life. I have to concentrate every single moment to hold it back. Times like this, Ryl...I would _never_ wish this power on you. I mean that." Anguished brown-black eyes stared into Zarander's.  
  
"And yet," Dr. Solo continued, "I know it seems counterintuitive...but proximity helps. Going through this from a distance--it can drive a Force-sensitive out of their head with the pain, the fear, the helplessness...being able to _feel_ someone's reality so deeply, but not being able to touch them. At least--at least if you're _there_ , if you have that connection and you can hold on to it tight, if you do everything you can--"   
  
He couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence: _at least then, even if you still fail, the last thing you feel from that person isn't their soul screaming out for you in despair and darkness, knowing you were out there but you never came_.  
  
"When I almost died as a kid," Ben Solo said instead, "when my heart stopped and my physical senses failed, I could still feel Mom and Uncle Luke through the Force. I could feel that they were _right there_ by me, and they gave me the beacon and the lifeline I needed to find my way home. I wish I knew how to describe what that's like. How to really explain how it works, beyond the midichlorians and the neural impulses, and all of the experiments we can perform that demonstrate the _effects_ of the Force. You've accepted the experiments. You've _trusted_ me, even when that meant questioning your beliefs."   
  
He reached forward, not quite touching the former Imperial's hand. "Please, Rylkir...trust me now. Mom and I need this."  
  
Zarander sighed. "I'm still not comfortable with this," he replied, "for either of you. So I'm going to lay down two conditions, Ben, and you're going to have to stick to them the whole time or the deal's off."  
  
"All right," Ben reluctantly agreed. "Let's hear it."  
  
"One," Rylkir began. "You stay on a _team_ the whole time, like you just promised me you would. You don't take this case on by yourself. The treatment team will listen to you but you will _not_ be the only one making decisions."  
  
"Sounds fair," Dr. Solo acknowledged. "Go on..."  
  
"Two: I will be _your_ attending physician. I have the best idea of what your physical baselines look like out of anyone here, and some of the atypical processes that happen because of your Force-sensitivity. Given the kind of stress your nervous system is _clearly_ already under, I'm going to be there with you, and you're going to wear a medimonitor. If I see any signs that you're being overwhelmed by this, I'm putting you on bed rest under sedation--no questions asked, no appeals."  
  
The frown lines around his mouth softened ever so slightly as Dr. Zarander lowered his voice. "I cannot ignore the fact that you almost passed out in the hallway from empathic shock, Ben. I may be able to bend the rules enough to get you assigned to your mother's treatment team, but there is no way as a doctor that I can just pretend that episode didn't happen and that everything with you is normal. Even if I were the _only_ being in this hospital that knew about it, that wouldn't change a thing. I _have_ to account for that, period. I'm not going to let you quite possibly _literally_ work yourself to death. Not even now."  
  
It wasn't as much leeway as Ben wanted. But it was enough. He would make sure of that. "I'm not going to let myself get that bad," he promised his mother, himself, and Dr. Zarander, in that order. "I'll get through this."  
  
He _had_ to.  
  
Dr. Zarander didn't let him off quite that easily--not until he got exactly what he required from his younger colleague. "Do you accept these conditions, Ben?"  
  
The young Force-healer and specialist diagnostician nodded. "I do."  
  
"All right, then," Zarander replied. "Let's get this medimonitor calibrated. It's going to ask me to manually confirm the overrides to the standard human parameters that are laid out in your medical file. We haven't got much time to waste but I'm not about to rush through it, either."  
  
"I get the message, Rylkir. Shutting up now." Dr. Solo couldn't help a sardonic twist of the lip, even with the gravity of the situation. Zarander, for his part, offered no further comment as he got to work.  
  
 _Just like your father_ , Mom would have said if she'd heard her son's remark...though it wasn't like _she_ was innocent of a witty barb or two when the situation called for it.  
  
He'd missed a lot of time with Mom growing up, thanks to both her work in the Senate, and the path his life took after the telepathic attack that nearly killed him. Ben had spent a lot of time wishing she were there more often as he grew up. A lot of time dealing with the anger and resentment his young mind had called up at the thought of her long absences. It was only as Ben came into his teenage years, and then adulthood, that he'd come to understand that his mother had made great sacrifices of her own just as he and Dad had--they had just been sacrifices of a different kind, that she and the rest of the family had all spent considerable effort trying to shield him from until the time came when the truth could be shared and things put right.  
  
Though Dr. Solo's career had kept him hard at work--mostly at the Nema Memorial Medcenter here on Coruscant, but also out in the field when necessary--he'd taken great pains to at least call Mom and Dad as often as he could, spending time with them whenever everyone's schedules and travels allowed...making up for lost time, as it were.  
  
Now...he could feel it all around: this could be it. The last time he ever saw her.  
  
Ben shut his eyes, tried his best to shove that thought away. He would _be there_. He would do everything he could. And Force willing, that would have to be enough.  
  
Calibrations complete, Zarander stepped behind Dr. Solo and pushed a shock of black hair out of the way to expose the skin at the back of his neck. Ben couldn't help jumping as the cold plasteel of the medimonitor made contact and adhered. But that wasn't the _only_ thing to startle him. The comm clipped to his belt had chosen the exact same moment to start beeping.  
  
As he grabbed the device and prepared to answer, he already knew exactly what he was about to hear.  
  
This was it. There was no escaping it now.  
  
And just as that reality grew ever stronger, so too did another one, within Ben, as he found himself remembering another _last time_ all those years ago...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: "Tookitten" is a word I came up with for "tooka-cat kitten." I'm not sure if that word is used in the SW universe or not, but given how big the universe is, I can always pass it off as a regional thing, either for Coruscant or for Zarander's homeworld of Halcyon.
> 
> Soundtrack: ("Jardaan" and "Resistance" from MEA)


	4. Part 4

_As he grabbed the device and prepared to answer, he already knew exactly what he was about to hear._

_This was it. There was no escaping it now._

_And just as that reality grew ever stronger, so too did another one, within Ben, as he found himself remembering another_ last time _all those years ago..._

Bittersweet.

It was still a strange word to the mind of the young Ben Solo, now seven years old, even though he'd first heard it a few years ago. He hadn't realized all it truly meant then...but he did now. 

It was a very adult word, he now understood, colored in many different shades, all rolled together, separate normally but somehow inseparable now...but Ben had been introduced to far too many adult things by the voice that had invaded his mind and called itself the Guardian in the Dark. The one who had nearly taken him--nearly _murdered_ him right in front of Mom, Dad, and the whole family. It was because of this that he knew-- _truly_ knew--about pain. And because of this that he knew about dying.

But it was _also_ because of this that he knew the true depths of just how much his family loved him. How hard they would fight for him, and just how much he could trust them with _anything_ \--even the very worst things imaginable.

Four months had passed since that horrific night. 

The first week Ben remembered as little more than a murky, dreamlike blur submerged in a pediatric bacta tank. The bacta had had at least one thing going for it: there had been no nightmares then, at least none that he could recall. It was as if the bacta had not only sped the healing of his damaged heart and bones, but put his brain itself into a soothing caress.

Coming out of the bacta... _that_ had been the hard part.

Ben had felt wobbly as he walked on his own for the first time since the Guardian in the Dark had seized control of his body, though that had passed easily enough. _The bacta keeps your muscles from atrophying--that means shrinking too much--even though they're not being used while you're in there_ , Nurse Mychatt, a Grindalid man in a heavy robe and mask that covered him from head to toe, had explained. _So trust me, you're a lot stronger than you feel right now._

Even though Dad had tried his best the whole time they were at the hospital to hide how uneasy he was with the masked nurse, Ben could sense right away there was nothing to worry about under those robes. Mychatt's body might need to be covered so he could protect himself from light that could hurt him, but his personality _didn't_ wear a mask. The other doctors and nurses--a couple humans, a Devaronian lady, and a sky-blue Britarro man--were nice too, though not as chatty as the Grindalid could be once someone actually got him to open up.

Mom or Dad were always with him there in the hospital: Mom during the day, and Dad at night. That was how Dad had always been, Mom had said, even when Ben was just a baby and wasn't sleeping through the night yet...Dad had _always_ insisted on taking the night shifts himself. And the hospital didn't allow more than one overnight visitor, but that, of course, couldn't keep Uncle Luke from keeping a watch on his nephew every night through the Force.

Ben didn't see or hear anything in the room when Uncle Luke kept watch, but he _could_ feel a sense of presence nonetheless. It was like the exact opposite of what it felt like when the Guardian in the Dark had been around. This was familiar, peaceful, and loving. And not _hiding_ its true nature from Ben like the Guardian had. Uncle Luke's Force-presence didn't flinch back or hide when Ben would reach back out...but instead, just like the way Nurse Mychatt welcomed his patient's questions and did his best to answer, Uncle Luke welcomed Ben's observation and with his heart, smiled back.

Here, Ben was safe. He knew that, even though it had creeped Dad out in a major way on Ben's first night at the hospital out of the bacta, when Mychatt slipped quietly into the room to check on him while leaving the room in complete darkness so Ben didn't wake up too much to go back to sleep. But Nurse Mychatt was _nothing_ like the White Worms, that Grindalid-led gang that had treated Dad so cruelly as a kid. Mychatt was nice. He cared. Heck, once, when Mychatt was absolutely sure Dad was way too exhausted to wake up and notice, Ben even caught a glimpse of the masked nurse straightening _his_ covers too, not just his patient's.

Nurse Mychatt was _especially_ nothing like the Guardian in the Dark. Ben knew _that_ most of all. And that knowing, in turn, had seemed to make Mychatt just a little bit happier, which cheered Ben a bit as well.

In the bacta, nightmares couldn't touch him. Out of it...that was a whole different story. In the hospital, he at least knew all the sensors and monitors meant that if the Guardian in the Dark tried to kill him again, all the doctors and nurses would know about it right away. So would Dad, Mom, and Uncle Luke.

But even though Nurse Mychatt was wonderful at answering Ben's questions about the healing of his body, and distracting Ben with factoids about humans, his own species, and the many others he'd treated, actually doing something about the memories that hid in Ben's mind was a whole other question. _That_ wasn't something the friendly nurse could fix.

Coming home from the hospital had been nerve-wracking at first. Going to bed was terrifying in a whole new way than it had been when he had thought the Guardian in the Dark was helping him _fight_ his nightmares, not _causing_ them.

"Mama," he asked one night as they sat next to each other on his bed, "what if he comes back, and I'm too weak to fight him? Or what if he _sneaks_ in, and I don't even know it?" Tears threatened to spill over, but he sniffed them back. The Guardian in the Dark had thought he was weak. What if really _looking_ weak would make him more likely to come back? "He always said I wasn't strong enough..."

Mom switched off Ben's reading tablet, set it down on the covers, and pulled him close. "He's wrong, Ben. He was so wrong about you. He didn't think you'd have the courage to say something to us, but you did. And now, because of that, you have a whole _team_ to help you fight anything that needs fighting. Including him, if he _does_ try to come back."

"But _I_ didn't push him out of my head." Ben looked down at his hands. "I let him in. I was just a stupid little kid."

"This was _not your fault_ , Ben," Mom emphasized. "Whoever this Guardian in the Dark really is, he was old enough to know exactly what he was doing, and that it was wrong. You're a _smart_ kid. I know it, Dad knows it, Uncle Luke knows it. So do Chewie and the droids. Still, being a kid means you're still learning how a lot of things work because you haven't seen them before, and this person tried to use that fact against you. You should never have had to learn about things like what he did until you were _way_ _older_ , and certainly not by having it actually happen to you personally. Would you like to know what I think, Ben?"

Slowly, the black-haired boy nodded.

"And," Mom added, "would you like to _feel_ how much I mean it?"

At that, Ben couldn't help a slow, shy smile. This was the first time Mom had ever actually _invited_ him to listen to her not just with his ears, but with his heart. "Yeah," he answered with an awe-tinged whisper. His brow furrowed for a second. Then he looked into Mom's eyes and added, "Please?"

Mom pulled Ben even tighter to her side...except now the warmth wasn't just from her body, or just what he picked up from being around people. This warmth had a _direction_ to it now. It _flowed_ into him. And because of it, he could not help knowing that every word she spoke next was absolutely and completely true. 

"I think you were strong enough to do the right thing and come get help even though it was hard, and even though it cost you a lot," Mom said. "That's something older kids and even a lot of grown-ups have trouble doing, and sometimes never do. But _you_ did it. And this Guardian in the Dark--you know what I think he is?" Anger radiated from Mom...but not the kind of anger Ben felt from her when he would get in trouble. This was something deeper, darker, and it was very much _not_ aimed at him.

"I dunno..."

"I think he is an absolute _coward_ ," Mom spat. "Going after a child, without even having the courage to show himself...that is something that only a _weak_ person would do. I think he was _afraid_ , both of you, and of everyone he knew you could bring with you to fight back." 

Mom's gaze, both in her eyes and in her heart, floated a long way away for a moment, then returned. "You know, even a couple of weeks ago I never thought I'd be saying this...but there was one thing I heard about your grandfather after he died, that was even true when he was following the Dark Side. And that was that he never asked his Stormtroopers to do anything he wouldn't do. He was never afraid to put himself on the line and fight his enemies face-to-face, saber to saber, even though that meant his enemies could hurt him or even kill him. This Guardian in the Dark is far too much of a coward to do that. _That's_ what a weak person is. And _you_ are _not_ weak, not at all."

Ben smiled just a little bit more. He was almost starting to believe it. Still, there was a problem.

Mom could feel it. She was _letting_ herself feel it. "What's wrong, honey?"

"You said Darth Vader was brave...but he got beaten anyway." He swallowed, hard. " _I_ could still get beaten."

"Ben...nobody can ever be a hundred percent certain of _anything_. But you have something Vader didn't have, something _incredibly_ important, and powerful."

Ben's eyebrows shot up. "What's that?"

"Darth Vader had _no one_ he could trust to help him. _No one_. Can you imagine what that would be like?"

Ben nodded. "Yeah. I can." He knew that terrible, dark feeling of being alone even when he was surrounded with people. "That's what the Guardian in the Dark said it was like...no one to trust. Except him."

"Well, let me tell you why he _really_ said that," Mom countered. "He said that because he didn't want us all coming together. He knew how strong _your team_ was going to be if we had a chance. The chance you gave us. See, Darth Vader, and people like this 'Guardian' have to be afraid that everything and everybody around him might be out to get them, and a lot of them really are. That's what happens when you're cruel to other people. _You're_ not like that, Ben. You have so many people who are here for you and want to help you. That is an _incredible_ power, Ben, that connection to other people, because anyone who takes you on is going to be badly outnumbered in a hurry!

"There are always people who want to help when something bad happens. People came together when Alderaan was destroyed, even though the Empire didn't want them to stick together. But they couldn't stop it because the good, the Light, always finds a way. Even if one way is stopped, even if there's a loss in one place, there's going to be a win somewhere else. Those helpers are _always_ there. How about this, Ben..." Mom looked into Ben's eyes and smiled. The warmth between them grew. "Let's name all of the people who are here to help you, and all the people who _did_ help you then."

Ben squeezed Mom's hand. "You and Dad!"

"That's right! Who else?"

"Uncle Luke!" His uncle had been due to leave Coruscant the day after the Guardian in the Dark had attacked. He'd been staying over at their house over since the night it happened...but Coruscant was not Uncle Luke's home. The truth was, Ben really wasn't sure where Uncle Luke actually livshed most of the time--Mom and Dad hadn't said, which told Ben it was a secret. And now...Ben understood _why_ it was that way, because some people--like the Guardian in the Dark--would surely do something awful if they found out. But that raised an unsettling question. "But...Uncle Luke's gonna go home soon, isn't he?"

Mom frowned for a moment. "I'm not sure, honey. He hasn't talked about it yet." Then Ben felt a little spark of hope light up in her. "But he's teaching me a few things, like how to call him with the Force if I need him, and some things that might make it easier for me to tell if the Guardian tries to come back. That's going to be a _big_ help."

Did that mean Mom was going to be a little less scared of her powers now that she was open to learning a little more about them? 

Ben smiled. It felt weird to be _proud_ of a grown-up--usually _he_ was the one who had to be coaxed into trying things that scared him. Usually adults had been doing everything he did for the first time, since _forever_...so long that they had forgotten what it was like to ever be scared by them. And Mom especially was usually one of the bravest of the brave. But those hidden currents of fear...the very same ones the Guardian in the Dark had tried to use to turn him against her...she was fighting them now.

And Ben felt more sure of it. He was _proud_ of Mom. "That," he declared with deep feeling both in his voice and his heart, "is _awesome_."

Mom beamed. "Thanks, Ben. I'm _not_ a Jedi," she said, "and I'm not going to be, but I am going to be here for you, because that's the most important thing in the universe to me."

"Even more important than the Senate?" Ben asked in a small voice. He remembered what the Guardian had said about _that_. And how many times Mom had come home with her mind clearly somewhere else.

"Oh, yes," Mom said. Her voice trembled as she pulled him tight. "Even more than the Senate. You and Dad are _everything_ to me, and all of this has only made that feeling stronger. The Guardian in the Dark knew he'd have to do something to this family to take you. But he's done exactly the _opposite_. And your family is even bigger than me, your Dad, and Uncle Luke. Who else can you think of that is family? That you can trust with anything?"

A warm, fuzzy thought came to Ben's mind, in more ways than one. "Uncle Chewie," he replied.

"That's right," Mom answered. "You can tell Uncle Chewie anything, and he'll be happy to help you. I know _you_ would never make this mistake, but a lot of people don't realize just how intelligent and wise he is. Those are not the same things, and he has them both. Uncle Chewie has been around longer than you, me, Dad, and Uncle Luke combined. That means he's seen a lot. Heck, sometimes Dad and I even go to him for advice when _we_ need it. He's very honest and very strong, and he'll always stand with us when we need it."

Uncle Chewie had come to visit every day while he was in the hospital, and every day since he'd come home. During the first of those visits, he'd made some 'special upgrades' to the house's alarm systems just in case the Guardian in the Dark or someone working for him decided to get a little braver and actually try to confront the family in person. Uncle Chewie hadn't explained exactly what all the upgrades were--though he'd said they would be a nasty surprise to anyone who 'tried something foolish.' And though he hadn't been allowed to at the hospital, Uncle Chewie always brought his bowcaster to the house now, since the day the Guardian in the Dark had attacked Ben. The message was clear: that he was ready to fight off _anything_ that came Ben's way.

"That's the whole family," Ben said.

"Those are all the organics," Mom confirmed. "But C-3PO and R2-D2 are kind of like family too. A lot of people make the mistake of underestimating them very, very badly. And to be honest, I think C-3PO underestimates _himself_ quite badly too. In fact..." A strange sort of smile came across Mom's face. " _I_ didn't even know he'd learned first aid. But he did, somewhere along the line, and he helped shock your heart back into beating while Uncle Luke fought off the Guardian in the Force."

Ben smiled. "C-3PO was an Automated External Defibrillator," he announced very slowly and carefully, proud of himself for remembering the long and complicated words for the device people used in an emergency to restart the heart when someone went into cardiac arrest.

"Exactly!" Mom beamed. "You can't sense droids with the Force, but droids with the intelligence levels of 3PO and R2 can be a lot more creative than they're given credit for. And what else do you think that means, that you can't sense them in the Force?"

Ben replied with a much sneakier smile this time. "That the Guardian can't sense them either! Kind of like secret agents," he mused.

"That's right," Mom replied. "That's why I trusted R2 to carry the Death Star plans, and why we trusted 3PO to help restart your heart. Now, Ben...can you think of any people outside the family who can help if something happens?"

Ben didn't have to think hard for _that_ one. "Mrs. Dorb!" he answered. The friendly Sullustan teacher, Tiune Dorb, had been such a wonderful change from the coldness of some of the people at Ben's old school back on Chandrila. She'd come to visit a few days before, and had promised she'd be there for Ben whenever Mom and Dad said he was ready to come back to school. Ben wasn't exactly looking forward to going back to school, even though it was only going to be for a few weeks before school was out for midyear vacation. But thinking of Mrs. Dorb's promise made Ben feel a little bit better about that.

"Anybody else?" Mom asked. "What about the people who were there for you at the hospital?"

"Dr. Calidar," Ben recalled, thinking of the human pediatrician who had overseen his case. "And the nurses...there were a lot of those. Let's see..." Ben counted them out on his fingers as he remembered each. "Tunsbeck, Lyndvin, Braulrosk, Mirafaru...and Mychatt!" Ben smiled with remembered warmth as he pictured the Grindalid nurse in his robes and mask. "Nurse Mychatt was really nice. He didn't ignore me or act like I was being a stupid kid for asking questions. _Or_ for getting scared. He just kind of _got_ it."

Mom's eyes drifted far away for a moment, and the look on her face...definitely another use for the word _bittersweet_ , from what Ben could see and sense. Ben worried at first...but because Mom had made the feelings of her heart so open to him, he knew it wasn't because of _him_ that she felt that way. She was just thinking about something, and the best thing was to let her pull her thoughts together.

"I get the feeling Mychatt might not get a lot of positive feedback from people," Mom finally said. "Sometimes it's hard for people to get over the way their instincts might make them feel about species that resemble something they're scared of from their own world. Or from their past." 

An image of Dad flashed so strong in Mom's thoughts that Ben couldn't help seeing it with his own heart. As for Ben, he remembered Nurse Mychatt's cautious movements to avoid waking Dad when he was sleeping in Ben's hospital room. And how he still looked after Dad a bit too, even though he had to know Dad was having trouble around him when he was awake.

Then Mom's face brightened a bit. "Tomorrow, how would you like to write Nurse Mychatt a thank-you note for taking such good care of you?" she suggested. "It's a wonderful way to give back when people have been good to you...not just a chore. One thing I know from _my_ work is that when you have a really stressful job, someone's kind words can really make your day. Or your week. Maybe even more than you ever thought they could. Just like it can help you to remember when times are tough that there are still good people in the galaxy, you can bring that to him too, when he reads it. What do you think of that, Ben?"

Ben turned that over in his mind. How would he know what to _say_? But...it _was_ a really nice thought, the idea that he could bring a little--brightness?--no, Grindalids didn't like _that_ \--maybe a little warmth instead?--into Nurse Mychatt's world, even though Mychatt was an adult and Ben was just a six-year-old kid. Slowly, a smile spread across Ben's face. "I kinda like it," he decided.

"Great!" But picking up on that little undercurrent of uncertainty, Mom added, "We can talk about some ideas tomorrow...what things you think are most important, things like that. And...guess what? You can even practice your handwriting! I'll get you some paper you can practice on, and you can even write it with one of my Senate pens--"

" _Ewww_." Ben scowled and crossed his arms. "Handwriting _stinks_." Then he stuck his tongue out.

"You always talk about how 'nobody uses this stuff in the _real_ world.'" Mom smiled. "Well, this is the _real_ world now, and you'll probably even be the first kid in your class to send a handwritten letter."

Ben had to admit that had a bit of an appeal to it. But still not exactly enough...writing instead of typing always felt kind of clumsy. Then an idea came to him: he decided to try what Senator Mom always called Making a Logical Argument. "But that's _expensive_. You've gotta send a paper letter with a courier."

"But for something important like this--something that really means something special to you, and is going to mean something special to Nurse Mychatt too, I am perfectly happy to pay," Mom replied with a lopsided little smile...darn it, she'd figured out _exactly_ what he was up to! "The handwriting part may take a while, but just think how happy he's going to be to have a genuine Ben Solo original!"

Now Ben couldn't help himself. A grin spread across his face as he pictured his note on a piece of paper kind of like the fancy letterhead Mom used for Senate stuff, except this one would say at the top: FROM THE OFFICE OF BEN SOLO. He'd make sure everything looked very proper and official. "Oh, all right," he said. He tried not to look too excited...but it was only a try. Even if he and Mom couldn't feel each other's emotions through the Force, he just could not shut down that grin.

Mom squeezed Ben tight to her side. "Great! Maybe tonight, while you're going to sleep, you can think about the nice things he did, and that other people have done. And now it's time for me to go get Dad to sing you your lullaby."

Ben's smile faded a bit at the mention of a lullaby. Not Dad's singing...Ben loved that. It was what the lullaby meant: bedtime. He asked the same question he had several other nights since the attack. "Mama...what if I still have a nightmare? What if it's the Guardian?"

"We're watching in the Force for him. He's on notice now, that we know about him--and like I said before, he's a scared little coward. But if you have _any_ kind of nightmare, whether you think it's from him, or a regular nightmare, then we are here to listen to you, and to talk about it," Mom promised, just the same as she had on those other nights. "Because _we love you_. And you have _seen_ that because of that, you can tell us about anything."

It felt good to hear it again. Ben still felt nervous about going to sleep, but not as much as he had when he and Mom had first come into the bedroom and turned down the covers for the night. 

Ben hugged Mom back. "I love you too," he whispered.

Ben had returned to school after another week at home, but that hadn't even lasted a month, since the end of the school year was already fast approaching. When he'd been in preschool and the first two years of primary school that had meant lots of time to relax or play at home. But this year, Mom was worried about all the school he'd missed, so some of that time was taken up with make-up lessons meant to make sure he'd be in good shape for the following school year.

From C-3PO he studied Basic and Binary spelling and grammar, especially since he couldn't just pull an understanding of Binary from the Force the way he could Uncle Chewie's Shyriiwook, and other organic languages. As for Uncle Chewie, he came by every few days for math and science lessons. Some people said Wookiees, or Uncle Chewie in particular, were impatient--but Ben had always found his Wookiee uncle to be nothing but patient with him. And, Dad had admitted, one heck of a lot more patient with the details of math and engineering than he was. And since R2-D2 was still on Coruscant as long as Uncle Luke was here, R2 even came by to work with Dad in teaching Ben about the worlds of the galaxy, and the early basics of astrogation. And, R2 reminded him, _making sure Mini-Master gets his Binary lessons into long-term storage_.

But there was one world, when Ben asked Dad and R2, that neither of them would point to on R2's holomaps: and that was the world where Uncle Luke was getting ready to start teaching a new generation of Jedi. R2 wouldn't even talk about the properties of the world, that he displayed for each of the solar systems and planets he showed Ben--how long the year or the day were, what the gravity and climate were like, how much land there was versus sea...none of it.

Ben had thought that level of secrecy was silly, many months ago. But he remembered that the Guardian in the Dark had been interested in where Uncle Luke was...restoring a temple or building a new one, Uncle Luke wouldn't say, just that there was one there. Now, Uncle Luke's secrecy didn't seem even _slightly_ amusing. With a shiver, he gave thanks to the Force and everything above, that he had been able to tell the Guardian, _I don't know_ , and the Guardian could sense he was telling the absolute, honest truth about that.

Even worse...what if, when he had still trusted the Guardian in the Dark, he had known, and he had _told_?

Well, thankfully _that_ wasn't going to be happening, Ben told himself. The Guardian in the Dark hadn't returned since that terrible night, and Uncle Luke said Ben was going to be ready soon to start learning more about what _he_ could do to protect his mind from anyone who wasn't supposed to be in there.

And maybe _more_.

Since that night, since he, his parents, and Uncle Luke had _really_ talked to each other about the Force, he'd made an effort not to intentionally listen to people's thoughts, the way the Guardian in the Dark had done to him. But sometimes he still couldn't help hearing things anyway, when he _wasn't_ trying. And he knew the adults were talking about whether it was time to send him away to train with Uncle Luke. 

He wanted to learn more about the Force. More to make sure he could protect himself, and his family, from evil people like the Guardian who might try to hurt them. And there were other things Uncle Luke had said people could do with the Force. He'd even told him that Obi-Wan... _Ben_ Kenobi...had eased the damage from a concussion that the Sand People had given him on Tatooine, which sounded _really_ amazing. Maybe he could even use the Force to help his patients when he became a doctor someday.

But the idea of being away from Mom and Dad for such a long, long time--maybe even _years_ \--terrified Ben to the core. The farthest he'd been from them since the attack was school, and that was just a few minutes away on the shuttlebus. Being on a whole other _world_ from them, not even able to call them on the holocomm when he wanted to ( _because signals can be traced from many parsecs away_ , R2 had explained), and probably not even able to feel them in the Force from so far away except if something really serious was happening and it might even be too late to come home...that made him want to crawl deep under the covers where no one could tear him away, and never come out.

Ben hadn't been able to help himself, when he'd overheard his parents talking about sending him away. He'd run to Mom and Dad's room screaming and crying, begging them at the top of his lungs not to do it, not to send him kiloparsecs away from home for next to forever. He'd clung desperately to Dad just like he had the first morning when he'd come out of the bacta at the hospital, when he'd known he was healing and he was going to live, and had seemed like hours before he could finally bear to let go and feel like his world wasn't going to rip completely and totally apart.

The subject didn't come up again for another few months. Ben celebrated his seventh birthday during that time, and a few of his friends from school came over to join him for the party, which was a whole lot of fun. But the party with his family and the droids had been even _more_ fun. Being there all together--it felt so _right_. And he never wanted it to end.

Then one night he overheard another conversation--or at least one little part of it from Dad. The warmth, the aching, the _bittersweetness_ and the love from Dad...they were so strong that it was almost as if Dad had found a way to hear and to speak with his heart, through the Force, and for just that short time, it felt almost as clear to him as what Mom or Uncle Luke could do.

" _Leia..._ " Ben had heard Dad saying to Mom, though he didn't really understand everything Dad was worried about or why, even when he found out later about the rest, " _if I do this, people are gonna talk. I can't even_ begin _to imagine how hard it's gonna be. What that could mean for your career, or just...you, in general. Are you sure--are you_ really _sure--you'd be all right if it happens?_ "

That was the first of the two things Ben had heard from Dad. The other thing had been this: " _Don't worry about_ me _, honey. I've been through a_ hell _of a lot worse. I've been frozen solid in a chunk of carbonite, never knowing if I was ever gonna have a kid, or if I was ever even gonna get out and see you or_ anybody _again, or even just move around, or feel anything but pain. This would be hard, but I'd do it because I really, truly_ wan _t to, and that makes all the difference in the galaxy. It'll cost me, yeah. But for this...I'm ready to pay._ "

What could Dad possibly _mean_? What was this hard thing he was thinking about doing? Whatever it was, it was tearing him up yet he _wanted_ it so much, and there was so much love tied up in his words...

He had a feeling he would soon find out. He wasn't sure if it was good or bad. But it was a very _strong_ feeling indeed.

The _Millennium Falcon_ had landed on a world somewhere out in Wild Space that had no name...or at least not a name that anyone aboard ship was willing to speak, other than the Temple World. 

The native humanoid species had a number of primitive civilizations on this world--seafaring, yes, but none of them close to being spacefaring. Each of them had their own name for the world, most of which 3PO said translated as something similar to 'dirt' or 'home,' but they were nowhere near the point in their growth where a species would usually even start _thinking_ about adopting a common language. In fact, they still had a few landmasses of fair size left unexplored by the native species, one of which Uncle Luke had chosen as the site for his Academy. If they were discovered by the natives, Uncle Luke explained, they would be thought strange, perhaps mythical creatures--but these people were not far enough along to consider the idea that they were anything other than a second set of natives to their own world, that they had only just discovered. 

There was one culture in the cold part of the northern hemisphere that believed in covering their entire bodies in clothing, that Uncle Luke had said called themselves the Veiut. If Uncle Luke dressed the same way and used the Force to help them understand him, the Veiut would never know he was an alien. Uncle Luke had even built a ship with R2's help that could look like a sailboat if it needed to, flying at high speeds until it got near the areas where the native species sailed. Then it would land in the water and appear to row or sail wherever it needed to. 

It wasn't that the New Republic had strict laws about making contact with primitive worlds, Uncle Luke had explained, but as far as he was concerned, there was no reason to scare the people here any more than necessary just because the Jedi had had an emergency of some kind and needed to get supplies. Or to take the risk of the Veiut or some other culture on the Temple World getting hold of something that might end up being dangerous to them or the rest of their world.

As far as the island Uncle Luke had picked for the Jedi, there were several droids who lived there all the time now, helping Luke build and maintain the Temple itself, and all the other buildings the new Jedi would need. There were also two Force-sensitive adults he had met in the Rebellion, who would very soon be helping him to teach the new class of Jedi. Both had young family members who also had the Force. One was a woman named Fass Despla, a Mon Calamari, who had two daughters--Luem, who was eleven years old, and one girl Ben's age named Thekma. The other was Itayu, a Mirialan man who had adopted an orphaned human boy he had found through the Force, and taken to protect him from the Inquisitorius. The human boy's name was Keric Alsovar, and he was almost fourteen.

Learning about the world Uncle Luke had chosen as home had provided a nice distraction for Ben during the long flight through hyperspace. Getting to know the other three kids, especially the seven year old Thekma, sounded really nice. These would be the first Force-sensitive kids besides himself, that he would ever have the chance to meet. But still...he couldn't forget the fact that this meant he was going to learn how to be a Jedi. The Jedi were fighters, he knew. And especially after what the Guardian in the Dark had tried to do to him, he knew it was important to learn how to use his powers well, so that didn't happen to him again, or to anyone else. But did this mean he was never going to have the chance to become a doctor? 

But more than that...what he knew for sure that this _did_ mean was that the Temple World was about to become his new home. How he was going to miss Mrs. Dorb, and his friends from school on Coruscant. And Uncle Chewie, and C-3PO...

And Mom.

His heart ached for her now. All he could feel was a thin, thin thread in the Force--nothing he could use to even _begin_ to guess at how she thought or felt. She was so, so incredibly far away. There was only this tiny little glimmer of a sense that she was out there somewhere, alive. He wished so badly that Mom had quit the Senate to come and train with him. That they could explore their powers together. 

But Mom wasn't doing that...she was staying on Coruscant with the Senate, as the Lone Senator of the Alderaanian Diaspora. She might be able to come to the Temple World for quick visits once in a while, but she wouldn't be able to stay. Ben understood that her job was important, not just for the people who had been away from Alderaan when it was destroyed, but for the entire galaxy. And he also understood now, more than he ever had when the Guardian in the Dark had first pointed it out, the fear she felt about using the Force and becoming a Jedi. He knew it wasn't _him_ she was afraid of, that she never, ever wanted to hurt him.

But the _fact_...the fact that she wasn't coming... _that_ did hurt.

Still, Ben wouldn't be alone on the Temple World. Uncle Luke and R2-D2 would be there. And that wasn't all.

_Dad_ was going to be there.

Just like Ms. Despla and Mr. Itayu, Dad was going to be _staying_ on the Temple World, making his new home there. He was giving up all his flying and traveling...and a lot of time with Mom, just like Ben. And just like Ben had spent so long being the only Force-sensitive in school, Dad was going to be the only non-Force-sensitive at the new Jedi Academy, besides the droids. 

It was a lot to give up. A _hell_ of a lot, as Dad had said, though Ben knew better than to say it that way out loud. And Dad was giving all of this up to be able to stay with Ben and make sure that he got to grow up on the Temple World with at least _one_ of his parents. He could _feel_ Dad's presence now, close and at his side. And he had felt the tremendous love Dad had for him, when he had fought to save his son's life the night the Guardian in the Dark had attacked, and that other night months later, when he had told Mom that he was ready to do this. To come with Ben to the Temple World.

The _Falcon_ 's door slid open. It took a long time before anyone else followed Uncle Luke and R2 down the ramp. Dad leaned on the doorframe with one hand, closing his eyes for a moment as if he were trying to reach out with the Force. Ben knew he wasn't doing _that_ , exactly, but it was as if he were connecting in some other way with the _Millennium Falcon_...as if it were alive. As if it were a _person_. And sometimes it felt to Ben as though Dad _did_ think about the _Falcon_ that way. And he knew Dad was going to miss her--the ship--almost as much as he was going to miss seeing Mom.

Finally, Dad squared his shoulders and marched down the ramp. Ben ran a few steps to catch up, and then walked the rest of the way down at Dad's side, and Uncle Chewie followed behind two as if keeping guard.

Once all three of them had stepped out onto the soil of the Temple World, Dad and Ben turned around to face Uncle Chewie. 

At first, no one spoke, just like no one had spoken aboard the _Falcon_. Then Dad said something. "This is it, Chewie."

Uncle Chewie looked Dad deep in the eyes. " _I will miss having you aboard the_ Falcon _with me_ ," he answered. " _Both of you_." Ben understood his Shyriiwook speech through the Force as clearly as if it were Basic. _That_ kind of listening through the Force, Mom and Dad had always said was perfectly okay, because those were things people _wanted_ to say out loud, and to be understood. And this, Uncle Chewie _definitely_ wanted very much to be understood. " _And I think_ she _will miss you too_."

Dad gazed over Uncle Chewie's shoulder for a moment, at the _Falcon_. "Yeah, I know," he admitted with a sigh. "And I'm gonna miss Leia even more. But this is what I have to do...and what I _want_ to do. I'm tradin' in my wings so that my boy can have his. And that means the entire universe to me."

Ben could sense it again with all of his heart...that same bittersweet feeling, full of sadness, fuller of love.

" _Has Skywalker told you any more about this? How long it's going to take?_ " Uncle Chewie inquired hopefully.

Dad shook his head. "Nope. I can't get any more out of him. Truth be known, I'm not sure _he_ knows for sure. Until then, it's radio silence between runs." It was Uncle Chewie--and _only_ him, Uncle Luke had explained, who was going to be allowed to bring students to the Temple World, or Mom, when she came to visit. The _Millennium Falcon_ might be famous, but it could be extremely fast and extremely stealthy when Dad or Uncle Chewie wanted it to be...which made it the perfect ship for the top-secret job. "But you bet I'm gonna remember all the fun we had," Dad added, "like that time on Tatooine, before Luke and Obi-wan showed up, when you cursed out those Tuskens--surprised the living h...ah... _heck_ out of them--"

Ben giggled despite the heaviness of the moment: he'd heard both what Dad had said, and what he'd _almost_ said.

" _It surprised_ me _too_ ," Uncle Chewie commented. Dad frowned a bit at that. It was a rare thing indeed for the Wookiee to find another language in the galaxy he could even _halfway_ speak on his own. And without Dad there, Uncle Chewie was going to have to rely on C-3PO, or text transmissions, away from his own people. Which was a lot of the time. Uncle Chewie, however, was determined not to let Dad focus on that. " _But they got a worse shock than I did--that's for sure. I wish I could have seen the looks on their faces. Just the stench from them alone after that was priceless_."  
  
Dad smirked. "Heh...you mean you could tell that from their _normal_ stench?"  
  
" _Of course I could, numb-nose. It was so_ remarkably _obvious_." Ben couldn't help another little giggle at that--though the unmistakable odor drifting his way from Uncle Chewie's surface thoughts was just about enough to make him gag. _Some_ things were funnier when they were left to the imagination...which was a bit of a shame, because the distraction could have helped a lot more otherwise. " _I've still got that nose_ ," the Wookiee continued, tapping it with a finger. " _And I'm not_ that _out of practice at sniffing my way out of trouble. I'll be_ fine, _cub, I promise. And I won't beat up the droid_ too _badly, even when he gets on my nerves_."  
  
"You'd better not," Dad warned. And there was that nervous frown again. " _Especially_ not in front of the kids."  
  
Uncle Chewie gave Dad something like a human grin, and then he said, " _I am a man of many skills, cub, and droid repair is definitely one of them. And I thought worrying was_ my _job. It looks strange on you--so stop_."  
  
"Easier said than done, furball," Dad admitted.  
  
" _I know. This is going to be hard, but it's_ right _, and I want you to know I am behind you all the way. So at least take that off of your conscience. I'm proud of you, cub. You have grown into a truly honorable man. The one all of us thought you could be._ " With that, Uncle Chewie enfolded Dad in a big hug.  
  
"Take good care of her for me, will you?" Dad mumbled from somewhere in Uncle Chewie's fur.  
  
Uncle Chewie nodded smartly as he let Dad go. " _I will. Though whether there's going to be a dejarik table left after I've played enough games against that fussy old droid..._ "  
  
"You'd better not!" Dad glared--but not the way that told Ben he really meant it. Well...at least he didn't mean it enough to actually _do_ anything about it. Just like Ben didn't think Uncle Chewie really meant it about wrecking the dejarik table, either.  
  
" _For your sake_ ," Uncle Chewie promised, with a sparkle in his eye. " _And the sake of the Senator and your dear one. I owe you my life._ "  
  
"And I owe you mine," Dad replied in kind. "Always."  
  
Ben turned to his father. "Dad? Can I say goodbye to Uncle Chewie too?"  
  
Dad patted Ben on the shoulder. "Of course you can."  
  
" _I'm very proud of you too, little cub_ ," Uncle Chewie told Ben. "N _ot many children can say they've fought battles and saved lives at such a young age. You come by it honestly. I know this isn't going to be easy, but doing the right thing never is. I told your dad that often enough that he learned. And that is why you will never, ever be alone in this--neither of you will. You have your father and your uncle Skywalker, and they'll be right beside you all the way. And knowing that is why I can rest easy in what your future is going to be._ "  
  
Ben sniffled. He had told himself he wasn't going to cry--he wasn't going to be weak...  
  
"It's okay, son," Dad said. "You're with family. Let it on out so it doesn't stay bottled up inside." Ben cast a glance at his father...was it him, or was there a tear in Dad's eye to go with the roughening of his voice? He certainly _felt_ like it to Ben, though it seemed like Dad was doing his best to try and keep Ben from seeing.  
  
" _Come on over, little cub._ " Uncle Chewie spread his arms out wide. When Ben drew close, Uncle Chewie picked him up with effortless ease, letting the boy wrap his arms around the Wookiee's massive shoulders. Uncle Chewie lowered his voice to a rumbling sort of purr as he told Ben, " _You are so honorable, just like your parents--and so kind. Those are the things it takes to make a true warrior. I know you have paid for the truth with great pain, that no cub ever deserves. I can't promise there will never be other kinds of pain. But stick with the truth, and with your care for others. They will carry you far. I believe in you, and so do your mom and dad_."  
  
Silent tears dripped out onto Uncle Chewie's tawny fur. "I love you," Ben whispered. "I'm gonna miss you."

" _I love you too. I'll make time for you whenever I'm here, I promise. And_ ," he added with a toothy Wookiee grin, " _I am going to take_ very _good care of your mom whenever I'm there. So will the Gold Fussbudget_." Ben smiled at Uncle Chewie's favorite nickname for C-3PO. " _And you_ know _your mom is going to come visit with me, right, little cub?_ "

Ben nodded. He'd felt that from her. But that didn't make her being so far away any easier.

" _She didn't just promise...she swore a_ Wookiee _promise with me that she would. That is a very, very serious thing--and not_ just _because she was coughing for fifteen minutes afterwards_ ," Uncle Chewie couldn't help joking. He and Dad both did a lot of that...which was probably part of why they got along so well. Then Uncle Chewie got very solemn again." _That means she's put all of her honor on it--and that is a_ lot _of honor to stake on something._ " With all of the great things Mom had done for the galaxy...yes--Ben had to agree. That _was_ a lot of honor to stake on something.

"Yeah," Ben whispered, and he wrapped his arms around Uncle Chewie once again. With that, the Wookiee set him down. Ben knew what _that_ had to mean, and though he didn't want to, he said it. "Bye, Uncle Chewie...please tell Mama I love her so much..."

" _Of course I will_ ," Uncle Chewie answered. And before Dad had a chance to say it, he looked at him and added, " _I will tell her for you as well._ "

Dad nodded. He didn't have any more words for that. Uncle Chewie understood, and silently made his way back up the _Falcon_ 's ramp, which closed behind him. And Dad pulled Ben tight to his side as the _Falcon_ drifted gently to a safe distance on its repulsorlifts, then engaged its engines and took off on a steep upward climb, steep enough that the native peoples of the Temple World would never see its ascent from the faraway continents where they lived. And they stood together like that for what felt like forever. 

"All right, kid," Dad finally said, his tone soft, sad...but also strong. "Let's go catch up with your Uncle Luke, and find out what this Temple World is all about."

With that, Ben and his father walked together towards the stone building in the distance that had to be the Jedi temple, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: ("Outlaw" and "A Trail of Hope" from MEA, "Statues" from the score for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Pt. 2)
> 
> HEADCANON NOTES: Although we may end up finding out more about the canon Temple World in Episode IX or some of the other books, I wanted to go ahead and create the world for the purposes of the Healing Force universe, and the ASoE-verse. The same is true for the other two families that I wrote as the first two to join Luke in his quest to rebuild the Jedi Order. The Academy is going to grow, of course, and there will be more students...and at this point, I imagine the students will be the same ones in both universes, though their fates will be wildly different.
> 
> The sacrifice the Solo family makes in this universe is one that comes with its own challenges. This isn't a perfect universe...Han has made the decision to give up something major, something that Leia wasn't ready to do herself for a number of reasons. But, as the "present day" scenes and Esme's stories show, this universe does come out one HELL of a lot better than the canon one or the ASoE-verse, where Ben and his family are concerned.
> 
> Also, we don't know much about the Grindalid species from Solo: A Star Wars Story yet, except that they have some extreme sexual dimorphism going on. The design fascinated me, so I couldn't help wanting to incorporate this species somewhere. In my headcanon, on the Grindalid homeworld, males are generally found in service of the larger females, as their caretakers and servants. Those who get offworld and out of the sway of a female of their species tend to be found in the sorts of service and caretaking positions that, on Earth, have historically been female-dominant. Some of these males who break away from Grindalid society may be of the asexual orientation, since that may make them less likely to direct their efforts towards a female, or another male of their own species, which may well make them feel very unwelcome in traditional society if not getting them exiled. For me that is Nurse Mychatt's situation. Others could just be maverick personalities...people come in all types, after all. Which leads to the next part...
> 
> Since I am a firm believer that with the exception of hive species, no species is evil across the board (to include SWTOR's Sith Purebloods, or even the Hutts, who in SWTOR at least have Dr. Oggurobb, who wasn't THAT bad), I saw no problem with putting a Grindalid in the medical profession. It's also a bit of a nod (like some other parts of "A Time to Rend and a Time to Sew") to some of the things that come up in James White's Sector General species--in this case, the fact that there can sometimes be a "creep factor" that comes up in a multispecies hospital, one that requires the staff to be very psychologically resilient so as not to be offended or upset by others reactions...or overwhelmed by their own reactions to other staff or potential patients. Fortunately when it comes to this particular patient, Ben's being a Force-telepath means that he's got a read on the person under the protective gear, and knows Mychatt is okay.


	5. Part 5

" _Ben!_ "

Dad's voice echoed across the Nema Memorial Medcenter's Emergency Landing Bay where the _Millennium Falcon_ sat, tiny wisps of white smoke curling from the exhaust ports indicating the ship had only _just_ landed. Oh, Force...Ben had almost never heard such _terror_ in his father's voice--at least, not since that night, when the Guardian in the Dark had attacked...!

Dr. Solo didn't answer--he dared not spare the breath while he ran towards the ship...and above all its occupants...at full speed. Dr. Zarander, true to his word, trailed not too far behind, though his shorter legs couldn't carry him at quite the same speed as the younger doctor.

Two of the Medcenter's paramedics ran tens of meters ahead of Dr. Solo, one on each side of the repulsorlift gurney they were towing: a human female and a Togruta male, ponytailed hair and central lek respectively streaming out behind them in a strange parallel. They ran aboard the _Falcon_ , parking the gurney at just the right altitude to wait for them at the top of the freighter's entry ramp. 

Dad and the Togruta man carried Mom out towards the gurney, each with an arm slipped around her, helping to lay her out on her back while the human woman placed a clear breath mask over Mom's face. The gurney itself contained an embedded general-purpose medscanner, which Dr. Solo knew would be performing an analysis of his mother's heart rhythm and respiration, providing the paramedics a preliminary diagnosis and transmitting her vitals to the Medcenter's cardiac unit before they even had her all the way off the _Falcon_. Mom's prior medical history would have already started transmitting to the hospital from the ship as soon as Coruscant Traffic Control had received the in-orbit emergency declaration and cleared them for priority approach.

"Ben!" Dad called again, as he drew near. "Thank the Force! She had a heart attack on the _Falcon_ \--her heart stopped but we got it started back up--"

The Force-telepath pressed his hand to his chest, eyes squeezing tight. "I know."

"You _felt_ \--" Dad cut the question off before he could get it all the way out. "We better get going."

Dr. Solo glanced at the paramedics' badges: the redheaded human was Cyn-Jex Mahr, and the tall Togruta man was Halaa Tekre. He didn't know either of them personally, but he still felt a sense of assurance as he reached out for Mom's hand, taking it in his. Damn...her hand was so cold, so clammy--he prayed it wasn't cyanosis setting in and shading her fingertips blue, that it was just a trick of the light. "You're in good hands, Mom. We're going to take the best care of you."

"I know you will, Ben," Mom mumbled behind closed eyes. She winced as the pain spiked again. "That's why...why Han had traffic control...route us here...'stead of some other hospital..."

"Shhh..." Dr. Solo squeezed his mother's hand as Mahr waved a portable ultrasound imager over her chest, focusing on transmitting calm and _love_ through the Force. "Just focus on breathing." Mom winced again, nodded. At least, Ben felt the _intent_ to nod; he wasn't sure if he actually saw the movement with his eyes or not.

At the same time as he spoke, he heard Mahr announce, "She's in v-tach."

_I love you, Ben._ Her thought radiated-- _flowed_ throughout him as they started making their way across the enormous Emergency Landing Bay towards the patient entrance. 

He couldn't cry...not here--it wasn't _professional_ to cry, especially not in front of a patient, and Zarander was watching too. He couldn't help reflecting...it had only been as an adult that he'd _really_ understood the extent of Mom's sacrifice during Ben's training days, enduring the absence of her son _and_ husband for years on end, continuing her service in the Senate while the gossip tabloids indulged in the worst possible speculations. There had been times he'd resented her decision not to leave politics and come train alongside him. He still didn't fully understand, but what he _did_ understand--beyond all doubt now--was the depth of that love. He couldn't lose her. He _couldn't_.

He drew in a deep breath, turning his focus to the paramedics, listening as Tekre quizzed Dad on everything that had happened, all while they stayed on the move.

"When did the symptoms first start--"

"What was she doing when they started--"

"Has she taken any medications? Salicyclin, glyceril--"

"When did she pass out? When was she revived, how much time elapsed--"

As Tekre was doing this, the information was being automatically added to Mom's case file along with the transmitted medical history and current diagnostic information. Mahr, for her part, was shearing the sleeve off of Mom's dress to get at a vein and start intravenous meds.

_Well, at least it wasn't one of her nice dresses_ , commented a completely indecorous part of his mind. 

Dr. Solo shoved that aside as ferociously as he could. _Concentrate, damn it!_ Everything was happening at once.

He reached out to take his mother's hand again. He wasn't sure why--something compelled him, some reverberation through the Force, and...

_Pain_.

It stabbed into him like it had earlier in the evening, when he'd been preparing for the sentience-level consultation with Dr. Essesk, knocked the breath out of his lungs. The only difference was that this time, he was ready for it. He shielded, willed his brain to recognize the difference between external signals and internal ones, forced his body down from high alert...because it was not _he_ who was dying.

_She was dying._ Again. Right in front of him.

Her eyes rolled back into her head. She fell unconscious. Everything moved in slow motion. The alarm on the gurney--it had only barely started to shriek its indication of ventricular fibrillation when Ben had already pushed one of the paramedics...he didn't even notice who...to the side.

" _Leia!_ " Dad was shouting. There was no time to consider whether this was because of the alarm, because he'd _seen_ her stop breathing, or because of Ben's own reaction.

By this point Ben had torn her blouse open with complete disregard for the buttons, moving the bra strap to his left out of the way. He pressed one hand to that spot on her collarbone, the other hand on his right side--her left--lower on her chest.

"Clear!" Dr. Solo shouted.

Cyn-Jex Mahr just stared at him. "What the hell--"

They were looking at him like he had absolutely lost his mind. Zarander was marching his way. But there was no time to explain. 

" _CLEAR!_ " Ben snarled.

This time Cyn-Jex and Halaa backed up.

The lightning that tore from his palms and into Mom's chest was invisible to anyone observing. Its effects, however, were clear. Her body convulsed the moment it happened.  
  
"Holy _shit_ ," Dr. Solo thought he heard Mahr whisper under her breath.  
  
The observer Zarander, of course, was surprised by nothing when it came to Dr. Solo. "Don't just stare-- _MOVE, DAMN IT!_ " he barked at the paramedics in his best Imperial command voice.  
  
Mahr and Tekre leapt into action. The human adjusted the breath mask over Mom's face to start rescue breathing. The larger Togruta started chest compressions.  
  
A minute passed. Nothing happened.  
  
Ben set his hands back in their places, reaching into the Force for concentration, prepared to deliver exactly the charge he needed, no more, no less.   
  
"Clear!" he shouted. This time both paramedics obeyed without hesitation.  
  
He delivered the shock again. Tekre took over with CPR as before.  
  
Still nothing, _nothing_!   
  
"Come on, come _on_!" Ben hissed. He reached out into the Force as he prepared for a third shock. As long as she was still in v-fib as opposed to flatlined that meant there was _something_ there, something trying to blossom back into life, but only barely. Her spirit was still _there_ \--he could _feel_ it, still struggling, still desperately clinging to her body, though he didn't know for how much longer.

Ben made contact, cleared the patient--Mom--and released the third shock. A brief image flashed in his mind the instant her body convulsed... _the moment Uncle Luke walked in on him practicing his precision lightning charges with R2-D2 measuring his output. The panic in the Jedi Master's eyes, slowly substituted by the realization that this was_ different _than the Emperor had done, filled with something other than hatred and destruction._

As Mahr resumed chest compressions, Dr. Solo pushed the memory away. He couldn't afford that now. He had to ground himself in the here and now. In _being with_ Mom. In being a reason, along with Dad, for Mom to hold to this world instead of slipping beyond the Force's veil, to keep fighting against her failing body.

The cycles continued. He tried again. Again. 

Dr. Solo wasn't sure how many attempts they'd made, when Dr. Zarander walked up, set a hand on his shoulder. "Ben--" _It's time to accept the inevitable._ Ben heard the thought from Zarander before it could even exit his mouth.

" _No!_ " Ben growled as he spun around--eyes wide, teeth bared. Feral, almost. " _I can still feel her here_ ," he ground out between clenched teeth.

"Trust him!" Dad urged the older doctor. "If Ben says there's hope, _then there is hope_! Leia would want us to keep fighting."

Zarander released a sharp, hissing breath. Dr. Solo--and his strange circumstances--were one thing. But _Dad_ , on the other hand... _he_ was the next of kin. What he said, went.

Ben and the paramedics tried again. And again--

\--and Mom's chest heaved. He heard her breath, unmistakable, drawing in oxygen. Her eyes flew open, and she groaned. Thank the Force--she was back!--for now.

"I'm here," he assured his semi-conscious mother, reaching out and squeezing her hand once more. The paramedics started moving her again.

"She's going to surgery," Tekre announced as he received word back from the medcenter. "Dr. Ventas is standing by." Good--Chess Ventas, the four-armed Ardennian, was one of the best cardiac surgeons Nema Memorial Medcenter had to offer. The sooner Mom was on the operating table, the better her outcome was likely to be, the less chance the blockages threatening her heart had to send her into yet a third arrest in quick succession...where it would most likely be fatal.

They'd made it across the Emergency Landing Bay to the medcenter entrance. Two transport nurses were standing by, waiting to receive their patient.

"Dad, if you could follow Mahr and Tekre," Ben said, "they'll show you to the waiting area." He hated sending his father away. True, he knew there was nothing Dad could do for Mom beyond what he'd already done in getting her to Coruscant alive. But Dad had always been there for his son. _Always_ \--from his birth, to near death, to the Temple World, and back. It felt obscene, dismissing him like that, even though he _could not_ allow a civilian... _any_ civilian, not even his dad...to follow into the OR.

Dad didn't move either way. He simply stood, stock-still, watching as Dr. Solo and the transport nurses pushed Mom's repulsorlift gurney into hospital's entrance, towards the emergency transport tube that would take them straight to the cardiac wing, with Zarander following behind. Even after Ben lost sight of Dad, he could still feel his father's presence behind him, waiting, worrying.

Dr. Solo mentally prepared himself for what lay ahead as Mom was prepped for the procedure and placed under anesthesia. He'd heard the diagnosis from the preliminary ultrasound: not one blockage, but _four_. This probably hadn't even been Mom's first heart attack; she probably hadn't recognized the symptoms the first time, probably been too damn stubborn to get help or even stop working, knowing her. Maybe she'd used the Force to brush aside her fatigue--something a healthy Force-sensitive could manage, albeit with consequences...but trying it without recognizing her physical deficit would have been a severe risk to say the least. Most likely it had been the damage to the heart muscle done by that first passing attack, that pushed her heart into ventricular tachycardia this time around, and after the rapid, abnormal beat went on long enough, into v-fib. And from there unto the edge of death.

By the time they arrived outside the operating theater, Dr. Ventas was already there waiting to meet them. "I've been analyzing the data," Ventas began without preamble. "Those blockages have to be handled one way or the other. We can try to save the arteries--less trauma to heal from if we can, but there are risks to that, ranging from embolism if part of a clot breaks off and travels, to SCAD later on down the line if even one incision goes astray during the removal, or if one of the artery walls is too weakened." _Spontaneous coronary artery dissection_ , Dr. Solo remembered, where the lining of an artery wall tore, allowing blood to pool and clot between the layers, ultimately leading to another heart attack. Normally SCAD was the result of an undiagnosed connective tissue disorder, but it could also happen from laser angioplasty.

"I can hold the blockages in place," Dr. Solo volunteered. He stretched his right hand before him. His scalpel unclipped from his belt as if of its own accord, rising through the air, though he was careful not to grasp for the surgical implement since they hadn't passed through the sterilization field yet. With his mind he squeezed the ignition button, the violet beam spearing up into the air.

Dr. Ventas' eyes widened at this demonstration, but he nodded nonetheless as Dr. Solo mentally switched the scalpel off and guided it back to its place. It would be a tricky piece of telekinesis for sure, especially managing _four_ clots at once, but he'd even seized an errant blaster bolt with his mind once, to keep it from hitting one of his fellow Jedi students. He _knew_ he could rely on the Force to help him do this.

"All right," Ventas decided. "This'll be my show, but the help is appreciated."

"Understood."

"The surgery will be off-pump," Ventas continued as they suited up and headed towards the sterilization field. "With how long she was out of it, there's already enough risk of brain damage. I don't want to add any more to it, if I can help it." There would be no heart-lung bypass machine, in other words--each part of her heart would be stabilized as it was worked on, but the rest would keep on pumping blood to her body.

Once inside the OR, Ventas' nurses--Errol Makarty, the human man's badge read, Tise Tel, for the flying Toydarian anesthesiologist--finished their checks to make sure Mom was prepped for surgery, two med-droids shadowing the nurses, ready to do their part. 

Dr. Ventas took his seat in his surgical robotics rig, where each of his four hands would manage a separate set of controls. As Ventas ran through his pre-op checklist ( _pre-flight_ , part of Ben's mind couldn't help substituting, even with all his medical training), ensuring each control on his surgical rig moved the robotic arms and tools as expected. The two med-droids followed suit, running through their own pre-op procedures, including one last cycle of their internal sterilizers over each tool they might use during the surgery.

Dr. Solo, for his part, took up a position opposite Dr. Ventas, allowing himself to sink into a deep meditative state. He saw through Mom's skin, through the tissue, all the way to the four dark blockages that threatened to choke her heart off again. He could see hints of the damage they had already caused the heart muscle. They were not the Darkness of an evil warrior...they weren't even sentient...yet still they were Darkness. And they would be defeated.

"Ready?" the Ardennian cardiac surgeon called. Each member of the surgical team responded in turn as Dr. Ventas called their name.

"Ready," Ben answered when it was his turn. To anyone listening, his voice seemed wandered as though he weren't fully in control of it. His gaze was half-lidded, strangely distant. In a way, awash in the Force as Dr. Solo was, he _was_ somewhere else. And yet he could not possibly have been more _present_ in this room, in this situation. In this mission to save a life most dear to him. He had the blockages clear in his sights, and his telekinetic focus ready to take hold of each as the time came.

He did not see when Dr. Zarander nodded behind him, indicating to their colleague that this was normal, this was acceptable for the Force-telepath, where it definitely would _not_ be for most.

The surgery began--first the tissue incision, then the robotic laser saw angled down the breastbone to open the chest. Dr. Solo had his own scalpel standing by, its faint glow casting a lilac aura over his mother's exposed heart.

In that light, there was hope--a hope he almost had not seized upon when the time had come.

But it was here. And he was as ready as he could ever be. Thus the fight commenced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SCIENCE/MEDICAL NOTES: I am not a doctor and I am sure my lack of expertise will show, though I hope the science fiction aspect, and what I do get right, will help. I read several articles about heart attacks and cardiac arrest before and during the process of writing this chapter, as well as watching an episode of Bondi Rescue on YouTube that showed an actual case of a man having a heart attack and going into cardiac arrest on the beach.
> 
> The surgical procedure Leia undergoes here is intended to be a cross between what we know IRL as off-pump coronary bypass surgery, and angioplasty. IRL, coronary bypass surgery can be performed on a heart-lung machine to serve in place of the heart, or what is called off-pump, where parts of the heart are stabilized to be worked on while the rest of the heart beats. Currently it's not conclusive whether this procedure is better or worse, with our current tech, but given the more advanced technology in the SW universe, I thought, why not try something like that, since one thing we do think it might help is preventing cognitive changes. Also, in real life, the other procedure, angioplasty, does not actually remove the plaques blocking the artery, but uses a balloon inserted into the circulatory system to, in my very non-medical way of explaining it, smash the plaques flatter against the arterial walls, or allow for the insertion of a stent intended to keep the artery open.
> 
> My thought was in the SW universe, the idea might be to try to save the heart and original tissue since robotic and droid-assisted surgery was so far along as to allow precision laser cutting to remove the plaques. Rather than bypassing the arteries by harvesting vessels from the leg or other parts of the body, the arteries are opened up and the plaques blocking them are removed using a precise robotic laser. Of course I didn't want to assume there were no risks, so the two things (among others, I am sure) that could potentially have gone wrong in my opinion were embolism and spontaneous coronary artery dissection.
> 
> Soundtrack: (“Neutron Purge” from MEA, "Tali" from ME2)


	6. Part 6

_The surgery began--first the tissue incision, then the robotic laser saw angled down the breastbone to open the chest. Dr. Solo had his own scalpel standing by, its faint glow casting a lilac aura over his mother's exposed heart._

_In that light, there was hope--a hope he almost had not seized upon when the time had come.  
_

_But it was here. And he was as ready as he could ever be. Thus it was the fight commenced._   


The ship Uncle Luke had used to fly Ben Solo and two of his classmates to Dantooine was not the _Millennium Falcon_ , but rather a nondescript family pleasure craft, the same kind any ordinary family or group of friends might take in search of a nice place for a vacation.

Even so, Uncle Luke hadn't wanted to be directly traceable, upon emergence from hyperspace, to the Temple World. So he took a diversion instead, on a very _different_ hyperspace lane, one frequented only by the most adventurous type of tourist--if you could use a word like 'frequented' on a path so little traveled.

They'd first re-emerged into real space not in the Dantooinian system, but Moraband...a place sought out only by the most daring of treasure hunters and seekers after the ancient Sith Order. The world for which the system had been named was one Uncle Luke had described as being strong in the Dark Side. And, as legend went, this ancient planet of red sands had once had another name--Korriban. It might have even been the origin of the Sith Lords themselves.

But the _end_ of the Sith Order...Ben knew all about _that_. Uncle Luke had been there to see it. And Grandfather had been the one to bring it about by his own hand.

All four of the travelers to the Moraband system--Uncle Luke, Ben, his Mon Calamari friend Thekma Despla, and Seh Braln, a Pau'an girl a year older than him and Thekma--felt the Darkness as soon as they dropped out of hyperspace. Ben shuddered the instant it wound its way through his awareness: could this be where the vile mind-plague that called himself the Guardian in the Dark...the one they suspected had taken flight to the Unknown Regions before Ben's birth...had originated?

Uncle Luke had no answers for that particular question, but strength filled his voice even in this dread place, nonetheless. "I can feel it too," he told them. "But even the Darkness can't drive away the Light forever. The old Jedi Master Yoda lived in a place a lot like this for the last years of his life, saturated with the Dark Side. The isolation got to him over time, and I don't think it was easy to always be around this kind of Dark Side vergence...but it never twisted his heart. The old Jedi would have run scared from a place like this if they'd had to stay for long. I think Yoda would have too, if the Empire hadn't forced him to hide out on Dagobah.

"I brought us here first because the forces of Darkness will find it harder to pin down where we came from if we stopped through this kind of vergence first. When a place has been overrun with Darkness, it can seem like there is no Light left at all. But I want you to push your senses _further_ ," Uncle Luke encouraged them. " _Beneath_ all the Darkness, and down to the core. Whatever it is that left the _other_ impressions...the ones that weren't so dark...I have no idea what or who they were."

"Maybe they were Jedi!" Thekma suggested. "They must have come here and wiped out the Sith, back before the Rule of Two began."

"That might be some of it," Uncle Luke acknowledged. "But whatever it is...sometimes when I've come here, I've felt like I pick up on a little more of a sense of _belonging_ than that. Listen..."

_Pain--anger--hatred--fear...those he sensed in dreadful abundance. Flashes of crimson and blood, of devastation and fire--_

_\--and then...something else._

_A power like a mother convor had shielded students much like Ben and the rest, with the wings of the Force for as long as possible, but time was running out. He had shown them the secret flame but only one hope remained that might allow them to bear it safely away. One last protection remained to give...the cover of blood. The great power kneels down now, those same wings spread wide in a willing gesture of bittersweet surrender as one final whisper floats from him to the one he most loves..._ come forward...it is time...

_And that wasn't the only impression, for another one came only shortly before. A fire--or a spark, Ben couldn't be sure. But the way it lifted into the atmosphere reminded him far less of the cruelty of the lightning in the typhoons that battered their island every once in a while on the Temple World, and more of the delicate paper lanterns with tiny flames within, drifting up into the starry night skies of Kashyyyk as Life Day drew to a close. Something crafted to be beautiful, not to be deadly. There it was in that spark: something Light, something longing, something lost...something to be found again, but here, in_ this _place? No longer, for it remained in_ this _world as but a memory._

_Then Ben heard with the ear of his heart...a laugh. Not the demonic sort of cackling he remembered from the Guardian of the Dark as he pulled Ben down into the dark pool of imminent death, but something else--rich, resounding, full of joyful humor utterly unrestrained, for the galaxy held quite enough Darkness, and laughing together where no one else could hear was one of the most effective ways to hold the encroaching despair and degeneration at bay. And in that beautiful moment, even the Darkness dared not draw near, for it knew this sort of sanctifying passion not...  
_

Those hadn't been the _only_ impressions Ben had sensed beneath the choking veil of the darkness of... _Korriban_ , his mind insisted with a strength it shouldn't have so many thousands of years beyond when this planet had been alive. Korriban. But those...three?...four?...more?...were the only ones that had lasted for longer than an instantaneous flicker. And though they had faded too, along with the rest, they had given proof to the words that Uncle Luke spoke. Beneath even the deepest of the Darkness...Light, wending its way unnoticed amongst the shadows.

Ben's faint smile was enough to tell Uncle Luke that he had seen. "Hold on to that," he'd told them. "Not blindly--there is still _active_ darkness out there. We have proof of that." 

And he'd looked straight into Ben's eyes as he said that. He and Uncle Luke both had told the students about what happened, what to watch out for. They had trained on the shielding of their minds, and the recognition of malign influences for what they were. The oldest boy...no, _man_ now, just as Ben was about to be...Keric Alsovar--he'd had a brush with something terrible out there a few years ago. The telepathic presence hadn't named itself, but powerfully _alert_ Keric had fought back, fighting to block the thing from access to his knowledge and his senses, to deny it intelligence on the Temple World. And he'd run to the teachers' quarters and Uncle Luke and Thekma's mother, Fass Despla, both made contact and drove it away. It had retreated immediately at their approach, shutting down all attempts to be traced.

Dad and Uncle Luke had come afterwards to tell Ben what had happened. _It's because of you that Keric--and all of us--knew what to watch for, and how to fight. You may have saved Keric's life...maybe_ all _of us. If Keric hadn't known to push back against it--we could all be_ exposed _now._ Or, Ben heard between the lines, if Ben himself had stayed under the Guardian's sway.

Now, though, the Darkness--even though it surrounded them all in orbit of Korriban--was the farthest thing from Uncle Luke's focus. "But _this_ is proof of the Light. Just like the Light is always shot through with Darkness, so is the Darkness. _Something_ here didn't surrender, and it left its mark for those of us who are willing to look. We don't serve an Order like the old Jedi do. We serve Light, and life."

Ben felt a pang deep in his heart at that. His old dreams of becoming a doctor hadn't died away on the Temple World--far from it. He was doing all he could to gather in all the knowledge of Force healing that Uncle Luke and his various sources, like Lor San Tekka, could bring. And he was _also_ doing all he could to soak in every bit of biological and social science he could grasp onto, whether it be during what the teachers called "practical lessons"...the education on the world outside of meditations on the Force. The things the old Jedi had taught their students were next to worthless, best left ignored along with everything else that didn't fall in line with their dogma. Uncle Luke, in contrast, had insisted _his_ students receive an education equal to the schools from which they had been removed to train here. Dad had insisted even more.

As for all this Jedi training...Ben of all people _knew_ that he had to learn to fight. The Guardian in the Dark had been proof positive of that. And it had tried to go after Keric too, not just him. There were _also_ rumors that the old Empire hadn't truly died the day of the Battle of Jakku. That the New Republic had let the wounded, but still dangerous Imperial nexu-cat slink away to rest up and return to strike again, and even now refused to entertain the notion that the galaxy had not finally found a true peace in their time. 

But if he gave himself over to the life of a Jedi warrior...true, he might have a chance to serve at times as a combat medic the way he was learning to give first aid to his classmates and even his teachers for their training injuries, but something felt... _backwards_ about that to him. As though that _wasn't_ the service to life to which he had truly been called. And he had no idea whatsoever how that could be, if the Force had shackled him forever to _this_ fate alone, the warrior's destiny, by giving him its power in such great measure. If a war was coming, if the Darkness was to rise up again, how could he even _contemplate_ walking away from the battlefront?

All of these thoughts still swirled around Ben's head in a constant loop, as the ship landed on Dantooine in a valley nestled in the shadow of ancient mountains, worn down from their once majestic heights into rolling, tree-covered hills.

It was a gorgeous world, Ben noted right away--pleasant in climate not unlike the Temple World, though the evening breeze carried no hint of salt upon it.

There would be a trial, Uncle Luke had said. He'd learned enough to know there'd been a ritual about it in the old days, where young, prospective Jedi traveled to the Crystal Caves of the frozen, quasi-mythic world of Ilum, where kyber crystals abounded in extraordinary numbers, but only one among the many would be attuned in the Force to the student. The caves tested the students somehow before they yielded their gift to each child, though the details that had reached Uncle Luke had been vague and contradictory as to the nature and the seriousness of the trial at hand.

But Ben, Thekma, and Seh would not seek their crystals there. Uncle Luke, Dad, and R2 had worked together years ago, when even Keric Alsovar, the oldest of his students, had been a young boy, trying to locate Ilum--except Grandfather had come to Uncle Luke and warned him off of that course before they could gather together an expedition to the Unknown Regions with Uncle Chewie and the _Millennium Falcon_ to find the lost world. Grandfather hadn't exactly been clear as to _what_ the danger was that lay out in that direction, except that whatever it was, if it were drawn back to the Temple World from that place, it could lay waste to everything Uncle Luke and his students were working for.

Ben, for his part, had a pretty strong feeling what it might be that lay out there. The Guardian in the Dark. The Imperial remnant. Both, perhaps.

Even the _inkling_ of that particular suspicion had been enough to deter Uncle Luke from that course. That threat would have to be confronted, but it was abundantly clear from Grandfather's visitation, that if that was indeed what had lay claim to Ilum, the time to confront it was not now. Grandfather had made it a point not to interfere overly much with his descendants' lives--even more so Mom, who had made it more than clear she was not in any way eager to meet him. But even with Uncle Luke and Ben, Grandfather's visits were incredibly rare and, as Ben had put it once, much to his uncle's amusement, were a lot like the travels of a tooka, coming and going only when he saw fit and not simply because he had been called. So for Grandfather to deliver such a message was a _really_ huge deal.

So Uncle Luke had turned instead to an old contact from the Rebellion...the same one who had given him a starchart several years back from a people who lived deep in Wild Space. This had required a guided voyage to a planet even more isolated than the Temple World, for the man no longer traveled now that he had settled there, and only delivered his rare messages in person.

_Sandy isn't exactly a hermit the way Yoda was_ , Uncle Luke had privately told Ben and his dad. _He's a part of society where he is now. In fact, he's sworn something like a life debt to serve their people for the rest of his life. His choice, apparently. To be honest...I think he just can't handle being a part of the greater galaxy anymore after all the things he did in the time of the Empire. He's found his peace. His war is over. I wasn't sure if he was going to be willing to see me at all, the first time I visited. But I think Sandy liked the idea of helping something out here to grow instead of killing. So he gave me the starchart that had the Temple World on it, and the second time, the intelligence on which worlds might have kyber crystals for us._

The list Sandy provided had included the worlds of Lothal, Ossus, Jedha, Dantooine, and the mysterious Takreidine out in Wild Space, among others. The oldest human student Keric Alsovar, Thekma's older sister Luem, and Savlana Neerick, another human, had journeyed together to Lothal for their crystals. Ben had expected to do the same...but best not to be predictable, Uncle Luke had decided. So Dantooine it was.

Ben had to admit, when it came to climate and natural beauty, he, Thekma, and Seh had definitely lucked out with Dantooine. Not that Lothal had been that bad, from what the the first three crystal-seekers had told him, but the ravages of the Empire's rule had been a lot more visible on Lothal than they seemed to be on Dantooine. And though the skies had appeared to clear on Lothal, from what Sandy had told Uncle Luke, that world still struggled with the less visible traces of how the Empire had befouled its biosphere.

Dantooine, in contrast, had barely held a sentient presence during the years of the Empire. A few settlements like the capital "city" of New Garang had existed before the Empire's fall, yes, and there'd even been a Rebel base here once, but by the time the Empire found out about it, the place had already been abandoned. Much of the settlement had happened--was _still_ happening--during Ben's lifetime, with people who wanted the chance to start over fresh and create something for themselves, something the old Empire would never have allowed them to have.

Even the planet's smaller villages were at a far enough remove from this area that the chance of stumbling across anyone else was next to nil. Out here, the air was absolutely crisp, clear, just about as much so as the preindustrial Temple World. Judging by the budding foliage, Ben figured it must be early spring in this part of the world. The breeze still had a tiny hint of a nip about it, enough to make Ben grateful for the ceremonial robes he wore for this task, but not enough to make it unpleasant.

Uncle Luke settled in the grass next to the ship in a pose of meditation. "I'll be looking out for your safety," he assured them, "but that doesn't mean the search will necessarily be easy. Let the Force guide you; it has a unique trial for each of you. No two trials have ever been quite the same."

_Good luck_ , Ben almost told Thekma and Seh. He still used the expression plenty around Dad, sometimes even with Uncle Luke himself...but here, now, he was sure his uncle would reprimand him for saying something so wildly inappropriate to the solemnity of the ancient Force rite. Instead, simply nodded in the direction of the other three. Then he turned, and set off on his way.

There was a strange sense of _weight_ in the brisk Dantooinian air. Ben hadn't really followed a search pattern all this time, though he knew in theory he ought to gravitate towards the rock faces where landslides had revealed the ancient rocks making up these hills that had been mountains in their time.

Night had fallen by now, revealing a set of dual moons, the first overhead at gibbous phase, and the second a half slice below. When Ben turned his back to the moons, the Galactic Arch stretched above in a sparkling ribbon, not unlike how he saw it from the Temple World every night.

Below...well, there was no doubt this planet was _alive_. Most of the brith-rays had settled into the trees on the hillsides for the night, but their soft chittering still echoed across the valley. Kath hounds roamed the forests in packs for safety against stalker lizards and for strength in pursuit of the iriaz-deer they preyed upon. There were even herds of wild fathiers that grazed down the river from here...the stories went that the Rebellion had brought them here for transport, but turned them loose when they were forced to flee ahead of the Empire.

Ben crouched down in the grass, taking all of this in with the Force's gifts of the mind. Webs within webs of life...each interwoven with the other, further, and further away... _this_ was what he wanted, more than anything. To know life, and to make life known to itself. To find the pieces of the web that had frayed, and to stitch them back together, perhaps stronger than before.

How was it that the Force, or whatever had brought the Force into being, would give him such a gift, such a _passion_ , and then demand of him the warrior's life instead? How was that _fair_ , how was that _right_?

Then again perhaps it was not the Force that had made this choice for him. Perhaps it was the Guardian in the Dark who had marked him, scarred him, and the others, the Imperial remnant, who refused to let the galaxy find peace.

He wondered what would happen if he came away from Dantooine empty-handed. If that would mean his training would end and he could finally go home--Dad too--and they could live at home with Mom as a family again. All this time, and Mom still hadn't changed her mind about coming to learn about the Force as he'd had to. She visited once a year, maybe, but still spent all her other time in politics--was probably _better_ at it since she didn't have anything tying her down--

Ben squeezed his eyes shut, the move mirroring the sudden tightness he felt in his chest as his blood ran cold. His heart hurt, as if the Guardian in the Dark were seizing it again, but he knew the only source for this was within himself. _How_ could he say she wasn't connected, how could he say _she_ didn't still feel connected, that between him and her there wasn't still a bridge, even though faint, that tied the vast natural biosphere of Dantooine to the artificial abundance of sentience on Coruscant? How could he _think_ such thoughts? 

_Would_ it have even occurred to him to think such thoughts about his own mother, if it hadn't been for the Guardian in the Dark shattering his innocence so far before its time?

Ben struggled to push the thought--and the accompanying wave of nausea--away. He couldn't unthink it once thought. And he hated that. But he _could_ reach instead for the threads that connected him to those he loved. The threads that, though the Guardian had tried to break them, had _not_ broken. Not in him, not in Keric Alsovar, not in _any_ one of his classmates.

He took in the connection to Uncle Luke first, as passively as he could, for he did not want the shame of his turmoil to glare like a beacon in the Force before him. Still, the steady presence reassured him, just as it had back in that hospital room on Coruscant. He reached for another thread--this one gossamer-thin but still _real_ nonetheless--that stretched back to the Temple World where Dad waited for his return. And then...the furthest away, though made of strength matched to strength...there was his mother. The princess. The senator. The warrior...

...who would fight for him, even though it might be in her own way, until the end of her days.

Faintly it resonated within his heart, just as ever-present as the hum of life in this unspoiled valley, always there waiting to be found. For several minutes, maybe an hour, Ben didn't really know--he just sat there with his eyes closed, listening to _both_ songs: that of this world, and the one that stretched across the galaxy binding the facets of his life together.

And between them all, a strange harmonic began to ring.

Ben had never felt anything quite like it. It wasn't life, precisely, but it resonated _with_ life. With _him_. And he knew.

He rose to his feet, his eyes drifting somewhere off into the distance as he followed the reverberations in the Force. With each step he reached forward a bit more...a bit more...a bit more...

Ben froze, just before he could trip over a small rock formation that jutted from of the ground at his feet. He knelt down. And there, Ben's eye caught the unmistakable glint of amethyst embedded in the rock.

Now _that_ was odd--whether it was the training sabers he'd worked with until now, or the true lightsabers he'd seen Uncle Luke and the older students wield, they had only ever come in variants on blue or green. The only other type of kyber crystal Ben had ever laid eyes on belonged to Uncle Luke--a relic of a war millennia in the past, a blood-red crystal that some ancient Jedi had taken from a fallen Sith Lord. Such crystals, from what Uncle Luke had been able to tell, never began their existence with such a hue. Rather, the Dark Side practitioner would force the crystal into compliance with the will of its wearer, a process that caused the normally Light-aligned crystal to flush a violent red as if it bled from the Dark power channeled through it.

A chill traveled down Ben's spine. Had this crystal--soon to be _his_ crystal--started its way through the bleeding process already? But he hadn't even put that much effort into finding it...how could that be? 

Despite his misgivings, he reached down to pick it up, only to find that the crystal was stuck firmly enough in the rock that all his physical strength would prove useless to extract it.

_Guess there's only way this is coming out_ , Ben thought to himself. He sat down cross-legged in front of the stone, reaching out towards the crystal with fingers splayed. This was not going to be easy work; that much was sure.

First Ben closed his eyes, stretching his mind out through the Force to get a sense of the stone containing the crystal-- _his_ crystal. _Of_ course _this thing isn't going to make it easy_ , Ben thought as he took stock of the situation. The stone ran deep into the earth; it had been the heart of a mountain once, he sensed--the ages had worn it down from its former grandeur, yes, but had diminished none of its strength.

Now he turned the Force extended from his hand from that of passive observation to active intervention. With an audible _crack-crack-crack-crack_ , fracture lines began to run both laterally from the center of the rock where the kyber crystal was embedded and out towards the edge, as well as deeper into the ground until with a _snap_ , the stone gave way and began to lift in pieces into the air. From there Ben narrowed his focus down to the crystal itself and let the pieces of shattered slate fall by the wayside. Then he turned his hand to face upward, drew the violet crystal to himself, and let it fall into his waiting palm.

He had expected the crystal to feel cold thanks to the crisp Dantooinian night breeze that had slid around it while it rose into the air. But it felt _warm_ instead...not painfully so, but he could definitely sense the energy that flowed through it.

Grasping the crystal with the tips of his fingers, he inspected it closer. There were still a few pieces of slate clinging to it, so he reached up to scrape gently at its surface with his fingernail. It was just as his nail caught on a chunk of rock that he noticed the crack. He'd barely even had an instant to register its presence when, with a faint, brittle sound, the crack traveled through the bottom of the crystal--

\--and a small piece gave way, falling with a _click_ into the pile of slate shards below.

Ben's first reaction was, in retrospect, about the most un-Jedi-like thing he could have imagined. In fact, it wasn't something he did often at all. But when the crystal broke, it felt like the _only_ possible reaction.

He swore under his breath. "You have _got_ to be karking _kidding_ me."

It was, however, about the most purely _Solo_ reaction he could have had. And so too was the fact that his acerbic remark masked the dreadful hollow that was taking shape at the pit of his stomach.

He had actually _broken_ his crystal. Had he been careless during the extraction process? Was it just down to not paying enough attention when he'd tried to clean the crystal off? Had he been too impatient? Or had it always been there, even before it started resonating in the Force with his presence? Had this been fated from the start? Did it mean he was _not_ to be a Jedi after all?  
  
Ben didn't know how he felt about that, now that this had actually come to pass. His heart lay with the healer's work...that much was still true. But this thought--that he might simply be damaged goods, all the way back to when he had made the mistake of welcoming the treacherous Guardian in the Dark into his mind, and thus he might not even have a _choice_ to probe the depths of his powers further lest something else happen...this had simply frozen his mind and body altogether.  
  
He stared down at the broken, amethyst crystal shard. Should he just leave it here? Or might there still be some hope, however remote, of repairing the damage? Ben's breath caught at the idea of showing this to Uncle Luke. How disappointed he would be...maybe he already _was_. He was guarding them all through the Force, after all--maybe he'd already sensed what had happened.  
  
Ben released a slow, shuddering sigh. There was one thing he knew would disappoint Uncle Luke even worse--and it was the one thing that had almost sealed his fate all those years ago when the Guardian in the Dark had nearly seduced him away from his family and everyone and everything else that really mattered. And that was keeping such devastating secrets--like the presence of the Guardian--to himself.  
  
Reversing course and admitting the truth had saved his life. It may have saved Keric Alsovar's life too, and who knows how many others of his fellow students, that the Guardian hadn't even _dared_ try to go after, after failing with Ben and Keric both.  
  
Thus it was, though with heavy heart, Ben reached into the pile of rubble and withdrew the broken piece of kyber crystal, closing his hand around it and the original crystal both, and resolved to tell Uncle Luke exactly what had happened. The shard was still warm, just like the larger crystal. But there was no denying that barring a miracle, it would never be a part of any lightsaber. If he ever constructed one, that is.  
  
Even if it _was_ all his own fault, and even if nothing could be done to put right what had just gone wrong. Better, at least, to bear the disappointment he would bring to Uncle Luke and to the rest of his family, than to let it corrode him from the inside, silent and alone.

_Well, at least he didn't make me show it to Thekma and Seh_ , Ben had thought to himself on the flight back to the Temple World. Didn’t help _that_ much, but at least it was something.

He'd spent most of the flight asleep--or as close to it as he could manage--hoping to drift away from the awful buzz of questions and emotions...his _and_ Uncle Luke's...running through his mind. It was enough, at least, to keep the Mon Calamari and Pau'an students from bothering him with questions about what his trial had been like, what kind of crystal he'd found, or who knew what else they might come up with. And his body, at least, had the chance to unwind even if his mind didn't exactly do so.

Nor did Uncle Luke's. Even without directly touching the Jedi Master's thoughts, the turmoil virtually _poured_ off of him. Ben's stomach twisted with guilt at that. He always hated it when anyone--especially those he loved--felt that way on his account. If he had to guess, Uncle Luke was almost as much at a loss as Ben himself was about what to do with the fractured crystal. _Crystals_ , if no way could be found to reattach the broken piece. And if not...then what?

The return to the Temple World didn't help either. In fact, to Ben's senses, things actually got _worse_. At first Ben figured it was simply the great big unknown he and Uncle Luke were now faced with. Perhaps there was some sort of ancient lore, either Jedi or Sith, or something else entirely, that Uncle Luke just hadn't come across yet, that might help.

For Ben, at least, telling his dad the tough news had at least helped relieve _some_ of the burden. _I dunno what to say, son_ , Dad had said. _But I_ am _damn sure it's not because of some kind of 'curse' on you or anything like that. I've learned a pretty good bit about the Force since I got here...at least, as much as I think somebody who can't actually_ feel _it can learn...but I would bet_ everything _on that._ And Ben hadn't been too proud to let Dad wrap him up on one of those enormous bear hugs, just like when he was little.

As for Uncle Luke... _that_ was a whole other story.

Ben figured Uncle Luke would summon one of his contacts--Lor San Tekka, maybe, from the Church of the Force--which, of course, _also_ meant summoning Uncle Chewie, since the _Millennium Falcon_ was the only starship trusted to ever transport anyone not residing on the Temple World. But over the next few weeks, it became awfully apparent to Ben that something wasn't right with Uncle Luke--and it was getting worse.

It was almost as though a sort of paralysis was overtaking Uncle Luke, as if he were utterly _unable_ to choose, or even formulate, any kind of course of action to try and understand what had happened with Ben's crystal. For that matter, he hadn't even set Thekma or Seh on the course towards building _their_ lightsabers, either. He continued on with the routine business of the Temple World...but even that...Ben could _feel_ the fatigue running off of Uncle Luke, more and more as the days went by. And to Ben's eye--not as well trained in the scientific side of medicine as he wished he could be, but versed, at least, in what information Uncle Luke had been able to find years ago on the work of Jedi battlefield medics--the physical toll it was taking on him was alarmingly obvious. Even Dad, when Ben had mentioned it to him privately, was damn sure that <i<something was badly off.

Then Thekma came to Ben, clearly testing the waters to see if he might know if anything was "going on" with Uncle Luke. People did that sometimes--approached either him or Dad, to try and get a little intel on Uncle Luke. Dad had advised Ben pretty early on in their time on the Temple World not to let anybody use him as their middleman; doing that was just going to end badly for all involved.

But _this_...Thekma's concern was different. And to Ben's reading, this entire _situation_ was different. In only a matter of two, verging on three weeks now, he'd felt an awful change come over Uncle Luke. It was waking Ben up at night--and not just Ben's own worries. 

And the more he observed...the more the whole constellation of symptoms started to look like something he recognized. Not from any of the Jedi lore Uncle Luke and his students had at their disposal. In fact, for an Order that was supposed to have been so concerned over matters of the mind, the absence of any acknowledgment of anything like this was awfully glaring, come to think of it. Uncle Luke himself had said, years before, that the Jedi Order's understanding seemed to have been sorely lacking in a number of departments, not in the least the understanding of the sentient heart.

This didn't deal with the heart, precisely, if Ben was right about what he was seeing...but it very much _did_ deal with the body. All of this looked an awful lot like something he'd seen in the medical texts he'd managed to get hold of from the ordinary--non-Force-sensitive--world.

And if it was...oh, dear Force...Ben knew he could be in a _lot_ of hot water if he botched this up. But he--Uncle Luke-- _all_ of them--could be in a whole lot _more_ hot water if something didn't give soon. Or the wrong thing _did_ give. Ben felt trapped. Cornered. Dad warned him to be careful, too, seemed to have misgivings about the idea of speaking to Uncle Luke. And Ben hadn't even brought up to Dad the other possibilities he had in mind.

But just as before--just as when he'd been forced to decide what to do about the broken kyber crystal laying in front of him--Ben felt that nagging sense that he dared not let this pass without trying to say or do _something_. And that if he didn't...he might very well regret it even _worse_ than all the time he'd kept silent about the Guardian in the Dark.

That was how he finally ended up inside the Jedi Master's hut, giving trembling voice to his fears.

"Uncle Luke..." He didn't want to ask Uncle Luke if he was all right. Everything, from looks to Force, made it very clear he was _not_ all right, and he didn't want to give his uncle any chance to shut him down completely. Better to rely on his observations in the Force. _Don't make him feel like he's on trial_ , he thought. _Just describe._ "It feels like something's off balance and that it's hurting you. I'm really worried for you."

The Jedi Master looked so worn, so much older than his years. So...shadowed. "Ben...uh...look, I appreciate the concern," he replied. "But I'm just going to have to work through this in the Force."

Those were the words Uncle Luke spoke. But the desperation that _stabbed_ from his mind through the Force almost knocked the breath out of Ben. He hadn't heard the thought, precisely, but but the raw and terrible emotion carried with it a horrific, hollow despair--that of a man who was almost, almost coming to believe there just was _no way out_. If Ben had felt trapped when he'd realized the necessity of speaking to Uncle Luke...what radiated now from Uncle Luke felt a _thousand_ times worse.

In the space of time it took for a single breath, Ben prayed. To the Force, to all the powers in the universe, to the very center of things--all of this he clung to for strength and wisdom. This moment was a fulcrum. Everything hinged on this. How to articulate the thing he feared, without driving the Jedi Master into retreat...he fixed his uncle with a gentle, somber gaze. "I'm not sure this is all the Force," he said, treading softly, cautiously with his words. "I'm really concerned there may be something physical going on. I want to see if I can sense what it might be." Ben reached his hand slowly forward, but not touching. "Will you let me, please?"

"Ben..." Uncle Luke released a slow, disconsolate sigh. "I don't think...look--I'll be _fine_. I just have to meditate, get my head clear--that's all it is."

The young Jedi couldn't help himself. The words spilled out of his mouth even as he lowered his hand. "Dad says you pick at your food, and it kind of looks to me like you're losing weight. And I'm waking up in the middle of the night." Uncle Luke's eyes widened. Ben _didn't_ add that when Thekma had confided in him, she'd confessed she was experiencing the same thing. Not as often as Ben, of course--she wasn't family, but with a signature in the Force as powerful as Uncle Luke's, any disturbance from him had a tendency to radiate. That's when it clicked for Ben. _That_ was what he might be able to use to get his uncle to give his permission. "Whether or not it's starting in the Force...it's ending up there. I don't think it can do anything else but. Not on purpose," he quickly added. "It's just the _interconnection of things_ you always talk about.

"It's not like before," Ben added, forging ahead now that Uncle Luke had fallen silent. "Not like when I was little, with that _thing_ that was causing me nightmares. I wake up, and I get my bearings pretty quickly. I'm afraid...but not for me. You've always told us that the best way to deal with a fear is to test it and see if it holds up in the Light. If it doesn't--"

"--then put it to rest," Uncle Luke finished despite himself. "And if it does...seek to understand it."

"If I could..." Ben's voice, barely above a whisper, trembled with care. "I would like to test this. With your permission, of course. Then, I might be able to put it to rest."

The Jedi Master stared off into the distance. Finally, his shoulders sagged. "All right, Ben," he conceded. "Just...please, be careful. There's a lot of thoughts in there that I'd rather keep to myself..."

"I'll be careful, I promise. I may end up seeing something anyway...but this is just a diagnostic for physical conditions," Ben assured Uncle Luke. "What I'm looking for isn't thoughts. If I _do_ see something, I'll try to turn away. And it won't leave the two of us unless you say it can."

Uncle Luke nodded. A flash of something like humor entered his eyes as he said, "I'll hold you to that." Just as quickly, it faded out.

Ben swallowed hard. The desolation he could see and sense in his uncle...he would do anything, _anything_ to drive it away, to keep it from overtaking him. But he was just a student. He'd already been of age for a month, but he still felt like a child--especially in the face of this. And if he found something...what to do then? He drew in a deep breath through his nose, held it for a count, then released it through his mouth. He could at least try to learn. Even that was a connection. Even _that_ could help. Maybe. More than nothing, at least.

One more breath--in...out. He couldn't clear his mind...never had been able to, for as long as he'd been on the Temple World. But he could at least take the Force into himself, know the interconnectedness of things. That had always been enough. He hoped it would be enough now.

He reached out. This ground upon which they stood, and the academy here...the rest of the Temple World and its young civilizations of land and sea...the faint sense through the Force that the ones he loved offworld still lived...all of it converged for an instant. He was not powerless. He did not stand alone from the galaxy. And in this, there lay at least _some_ sort of affirmation, even if he didn't know exactly how it might show itself on this night.

Now, though...it was time to push the rest of the galaxy away and bring his focus down into the here and now. "If you could try to rest..." Ben finished his suggestion with a motion towards the meditation mat. 

Uncle Luke folded himself into a sitting position and Ben did the same, sitting across from him. Ben closed his eyes, and reached towards Uncle Luke's forehead as he did when he practiced the Jedi first-aid diagnostic on students who got injured in practice. This, however...this was going to be a much, much more complicated type of diagnostic than he'd ever attempted before. And this time, he might not be able to be the one offering the healing for anything he found.

Ben willed himself to something resembling calm, as his fingers made contact with Uncle Luke's forehead, its skin weathered by years of exposure to the brutal Tatooinian suns, and other hostile environs during the Rebellion. With that, the matter and spirit of of Luke Skywalker came into focus. At least... _mostly_ into focus. If Uncle Luke's essence were a photograph, Ben would have said the image seemed fuzzy around the edges--a vignette, constricted, tunneled somehow. But, at least, still _real_.

Ben did not move forward through the Force at first, though he could feel the connecting energy seeming to pace slowly, pensively back and forth. He waited at first to get acclimated to this degree of other-presence, and to allow Uncle Luke to do the same. _I'm here_ , he thought. It wasn't as if Uncle Luke somehow needed to be reminded, as if he had come unmoored from his surroundings somehow. But Ben's own experiences...the most awful ones...gave him ample reason for the utmost transparency in what he was doing. _I'm going to try and understand._

A flash of darkness leapt forth from Uncle Luke's mind--no words, no intentional sendings, simply _negation_. If Ben were to put it into words, he would have framed it as something like, _there's no way you can._

Sometimes, Ben thought to himself, there _was_ only try. And that was the best that anyone could do.

Pain began to throb at the center of Ben's awareness. That was nothing new for him, at least: for there was no way to begin the process of diagnosis or healing without taking at least a little of the hurt into himself, turning it over in his spirit until he found some hint of its nature. The first element of the pain to distinguish itself was the crushing headache. How long had Uncle Luke been _living with this_? Had this really only started after the incident with Ben's kyber crystal, or had this been happening on some level for longer? There was something so strangely _accustomed_ about the pain. The closest Ben had ever sensed to anything like this was when he'd assessed students who had suffered repeat injuries in the same place. But there was no sign of a sprain or a tear--anything Ben would expect to detect if the pain had that sort of obvious cause.

He considered for a moment. An infection of some sort could lead to a headache as well, but--no. That wasn't it either. There was no sense of life versus life, as Ben typically sensed when the body was fighting off disease. There was a sense of distress--of opposition, yes, coupled with immense fatigue as well, but this was not the distress of the body marshalling its resources against an enemy that could be readily identified. Or, for that matter, against any friendly targets, which would have been just as daunting a prospect for Ben to face as what he suspected was really going on here. If anything, the toll that had been exacted on Uncle Luke's body suggested its defenses were quite depleted.

A diffuse aching sensation radiated from the headache throughout the entire body. And that wasn't all. Something stabbed and _burned_ across Uncle Luke's skin in intervals, warring viciously with his fatigue.

An image jolted through Ben's mind. _Lightning._ The young student gasped despite himself, forced himself not to jerk away. The impression was so strong that even making a conscious effort to turn away from anything he thought to be a fragment of his uncle's thoughts, there was no avoiding it. In fact, it was as if it _compelled_ him to see, just the way it compelled Uncle Luke to see, over, and over, and over again. Lightning. Eyes that _burned_ like coals in a furnace, staring, smiting, delighting in the suffering unrelenting that they inflicted--

\--and then--

Alone. Alone. No one left except Uncle Luke, to struggle through the days, weeks, months, and years ahead...through the rite of constructing a new saber, through the fight against the Dark Side, through the rebuilding-- _what kind_ of rebuilding--then the malevolent presence that had proven the Darkness still alive, still reaching for him, his family, his students...so much knowledge lost...so much worthless in the first place except as a warning of which paths _not_ to follow, yet leaving an infinite multitude of methods with outcomes utterly unknown. And the gaping maw of dread possibilities had opened up again to swallow up whatever notion of present or future he'd had, leaving each moment surrounded by the claustrophobic blackness--

And Ben knew that for better or for worse, he lay _somewhere_ at the center of it.

It would be so, so easy to surrender himself...to surrender _everything_ this consuming despair.

Ben knew what fear, what hopelessness was, both from within, and forced upon him from without. He knew he had to withdraw this Force soon lest what was sensed became what was _real_ to him in the same way it was _real_ to Uncle Luke. Still, he fought for one last impression--nerves dangerously drained, fighting for connections, for alignment--

_Confirmation_.

"Oh, Force...!" Ben muttered as if to himself, but as he pulled back his diagnostic connection to a more tolerable level, he found himself compelled not to sever it entirely yet. All that Uncle Luke had suffered--it had marked him, but it was _not_ all some sort of curse through the Force. "It's a neurotransmitter imbalance," he said. "Almost sure of it."

"How...?"

Oh, there were so many layers to that question. How did it get this way--how do you _know_ \--how do I _do_ something about this...? And Ben didn't have anywhere near enough answers and he knew it.

"This needs medical treatment from a real doctor, not _only_ meditation. This is _way_ beyond my level. But treatable...has been for a long time."

His heart swelled with care, concern, love...and determination. Yes, so much of him was still certain he was nothing but a child, even though the date on the calendar argued otherwise. Even if his own fears argued even _more_ strongly otherwise. Yet Ben Solo found himself the one reaching forward to lay his hands on his uncle's shoulder--the Jedi master--meeting his eyes, and speaking the words with his heart, through the Force: _We are going to find a way to get through this. I'll go with you. I'll do whatever we need. I can only take a bit of the edge off, but there is hope. On Lira San, Corellia, Coruscant, wherever we have to go that we can trust to help. It_ doesn't _have to continue like this._

Somehow, from outside him, the knowledge settled in his heart. Whether his kyber crystal, his future path, the Jedi Order, Uncle Luke itself, all of it would unfold in its own time. What mattered now was just that-- _only_ now. For they were family--they had _more_ than Light. Ben, Mom, Dad, Uncle Luke, Uncle Chewie, the students, who had become like a big, extended, sometimes dysfunctional family--they had love, which pierced its way through Light and Dark alike.

And they _would_ find a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CANON NOTE: During the visit to Moraband/Korriban, those of you familiar with In the Burning of the Light might recognize echoes of Tarssus Kallig and Rûmaz, as well as Lord Emmoridg--heretic Light Sith who set foot on Korriban at one time or the other.
> 
> Also...I wonder, will anyone recognize who Luke's contact, Sandy, is?
> 
> Soundtrack: (“Reflections” from ME2, "Crystal Skies" by Nigel Stanford, "Hollow Man" by Iced Earth)


	7. Part 7

She was _alive_. Awake and alive. Thank the Force and everything that was precious in the universe for that...his mom had survived the massive heart attack that had nearly killed her on the way to Coruscant to celebrate Fete with Ben and his family.

It was still sinking in with Dr. Ben Solo, that he had been a part of saving his own mother's life. He had been far from alone, of course. There had been the lead cardiac surgeon Chess Ventas, the paramedics Cyn-Jex Mahr and Halaa Tekre. And Dr. Zarander, of course, for monitoring Ben's health throughout this process.  
  
But above all, Dad had been the one responsible for reviving Mom the first time aboard the _Falcon_. And it was almost certainly because of Dad that Mom's outcome was looking so promising. If not for his performing CPR on her, the resulting hypoxia could have done serious brain damage. Dad hadn't wanted to admit in front of Mom that he hadn't known CPR back before, when the Guardian in the Dark--very possibly the First Order's enigmatic Supreme Leader Snoke--had stopped Ben's heart. He'd learned during his stay on the Temple World not long after Ben had first learned the skill for himself.  
  
Dr. Solo couldn't help thinking back to the Temple World lately, especially those first grueling weeks after he'd gone to Dantooine for his kyber crystal--for those weeks had ultimately been the makings of both a Jedi knight, _and_ a doctor.   
  
On Ben's urging, Uncle Luke had finally gone to Dad a few days after Ben's preliminary telepathic diagnostic, and Dad had called Uncle Chewie and the _Millennium Falcon_ to the Temple World. From there, they'd flown to Corellia. Dad's homeworld was still recovering from the horrific damage the Empire had inflicted on it--hell, even _now_ it was still recovering--but as one of the most staunchly pro-Rebellion, and now pro-Republic worlds, it had been the best choice to handle such a sensitive situation involving the galaxy's one and only Jedi Master. There, Uncle Luke had received the official diagnoses of post-traumatic stress disorder and major depression, and for the first time in his life, he'd received the proper medical treatment to really let him work within the Force and his family the way he needed to, to bring himself the rest of the way.   
  
It was on the way back to the Temple World from Corellia that all four of them--Dad, Uncle Luke, Uncle Chewie, and Ben himself--had come to realize what this meant not just for Uncle Luke, but for Ben as well. For the entire vision of the new Jedi Order. Ben's split kyber crystal had been no accident--no mark against him. Rather, it was a sign that Ben was meant to hold a dual vocation: that of Jedi knight, the role to be embodied by his saber, and that of doctor, a role to be embodied by the smaller fragment. After a period of research, Ben and Uncle Luke together found an ancient, vented saber design capable of accommodating the atypical larger crystal and the intense, flaming amethyst blade it produced. A second design, this one for the miniature saber Master Yoda had once wielded, provided the inspiration for a far smaller device--a lightscalpel, whose thin, violet, lifesaving blade matched that of his weapon.  
  
A year later, after additional training both in the warrior's skills, and science and biology courses to prepare him for what lay ahead, Ben Solo had left the Temple World to enroll in medical school on Coruscant. It had been a struggle, coming from such an atypical academic background, but he'd fought his way through with the same tenacity of a Jedi knight against the forces of Darkness, eventually earning the title of doctor.  
  
There were times Dr. Solo returned to the Temple World to train other future Jedi, whether those students were to become full-time warriors or, following the path he'd been the first to carve out, would serve as part of the galactic community at large in a different, primary vocation. Someday, he knew, he'd be making far more frequent trips to accompany his daughter Hanna when the time came for her to train more intensively in her Force powers. How he looked forward to that, working together through the Force as father and daughter!  
  
Unfortunately, there had _also_ been a few occasions when Ben had been called into battle against particularly powerful Force-wielders sent against the Republic by the Imperial remnant, which had morphed into the First Order. Ben Solo wore a stylized battle mask on all of those occasions--a decision that had greatly unnerved Uncle Luke at first, but the truth was, Ben found it necessary to hide the immense pain he felt at the potential taking of life, which ran so deeply against his medical training.  
  
It was always a delicate balance with Ben Solo: life and death...wounding and healing...both of these were inextricably a part of him, and always would be, for he had sworn two oaths--one, the doctor's oath to heal, and the other, the Jedi's oath to defend. Both of these were ultimately in the service of life, and that was why an exception had been made for Dr. Solo allowing him not just to carry his lightscalpel at one side, but his weapon at the other. If ever the First Order, if _anyone_ ever threatened his patients, they would have to go through him first.  
  
But in the here and now--a voice cut through his memories, and he jumped.  
  
"All right, Solo...it's _past_ time." Ben had been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't even heard Dr. Zarander approach. "You're off duty. Grounded. Right now. In fact, Jedi or no Jedi, I'm going to _order_ you to get a full night's sleep. No more funny stuff."  
  
Ben knew very well that even with the Force he'd used to augment his physical endurance and mental concentration for the past few days, there were limits. His body was eventually going to make him pay, and pay big. "I'm going to sleep here," Ben decided. "See if maybe I can get Dad to go home and spend a night in his own bed. He's been here this whole time...he really needs it."   
  
Zarander furrowed his brow as he thought about that. Ultimately, the fact that Ben didn't even have enough energy left to truly argue with Rylkir said it all to both men. "Well, don't take that medimonitor off, Ben. If I don't see enough quality sleep logged on that thing by the morning, I'm going to send _you_ home next."  
  
"Noted and logged," Ben replied with a weary, wry grin. He couldn't promise Rylkir exactly what quality of sleep he'd get, crashed out on a cot in Mom's hospital room, but there was at least _some_ chance of it, especially if he used one more little Force trick, this one to push him into a deep meditative state that, if he played it right, would give way to a profound slumber that even a thermal detonator would have trouble waking him from. "There _is_ one more thing, though..."  
  
 _Oh, shit_ , said the look on Dr. Zarander's face, _here he goes._ The thought leaking from his head was also a dead giveaway. That said, Ben had a feeling the older doctor didn't know exactly what it was Ben was really about to ask. He probably thought Ben was cooking up a final argument. What Ben had in mind was something else.  
  
"I figure since I'm headed their way to spend the night, this might be my chance to finally introduce you to Mom and Dad. I've told them a lot about you...they might like to actually meet you in person."  
  
Zarander stared down at his feet, shifting his weight from one to the other. "That's...kind of you to offer, Ben--but I don't know how good of an idea that would be. We weren't exactly on the same side. Still don't see eye to eye on a lot of stuff."  
  
Ben offered as reassuring of a smile as he could muster. "Mom's not going to bite, I promise...doctor's orders." That got a little of a laugh out of Zarander. It _was_ true, after all--Dr. Solo had banned his mother from work, or from anything else that might get her too agitated. Not that Rylkir's presence was anywhere near as offensive as the older doctor seemed to think it would be, but still.   
  
"As for Dad," Ben added, "I think he might be more tolerant than you'd expect." Ben didn't know exactly how much Dad was going to want to talk about it...the fact that even though he'd always opposed the Empire, he'd actually _been_ an Imperial for a few years. He'd worn the uniform, at least--it had been his only way off of Corellia. Dad certainly wasn't the only one in the Rebellion with that kind of background...hell, his fellow general, Crix Madine, had been a _career_ Imperial until his defection. Still, that didn't make it any easier for Dad to think about.  
  
What it _did_ mean, though, was that unlike a lot of the general public, Mom and Dad had been close enough to the war to know that not every Imperial had been a monster like Palpatine, or Tarkin, or Isard. Or Grandfather, for that matter.  
  
"All in all," Ben summed up, "I don't think you have anything to worry about. I've told them plenty about you--nothing bad, I promise. I think things will be fine."  
  
"All right, Ben," Zarander conceded. "If it gets you to sleep without a fuss." Rylkir did an admirable job keeping a straight face--but the young Force-telepath saw straight through it. Ben's talents did _not_ , however, extend to the same sort of acting as Rylkir, and he couldn't help breaking out into a wide grin, which he topped off with a mock salute. For Ben, being as exhausted as he was, not breaking out into a giggle fit was victory enough.  
  
Rylkir followed behind Ben as they made their way back to Mom's room. Ben could almost swear the shorter man was using him as a bit of a human shield...but Ben didn't get any sense that his resolve was wavering, so he kept going. Reaching forward with his Force-sense, he first found the bright, but restrained presence in the Force that was Mom. There were no words--not at this distance--but even as fatigued as Mom still was, Ben felt the leap of joy that drew him closer, told him his presence was very much welcome. Nearby, of course, was Dad. Dad couldn't sense him through the Force but the eagerness _his_ mind suddenly reflected suggested to Ben that Mom had just told him their son was coming for another visit.  
  
"She's awake," Dr. Solo told Zarander before they reached the door. He turned and offered one more smile. "Like I said...it's going to be fine."  
  
"Ben!" He'd sensed Mom already been looking at the door before it even started opening. She lifted a weary hand. "Come on in."  
  
Dad wore one of his trademark, lopsided grins, though the lines and shadows in his face seemed deeper than usual. Which, of course, was completely understandable. Nonetheless, Dr. Solo still got the strong impression Dad was sizing the new visitor up...old habits died hard. "Dr. Ben," Dad greeted as he stood up from his chair at Mom's bedside. "Mind making some introductions?" His gaze turned to Zarander. "I think I saw you before, when we got here, but everything was such a blur. If you said your name then I'm afraid my mind pulled an unscheduled purge on it, along with a whole lot of other stuff."  
  
"Dad, this is Rylkir Zarander. I know I've told you some about him before, but he's been _my_ attending physician through this whole thing. And he's kicking me off duty right now...says I've been up days past my bedtime."  
  
Mom's voice was still rough, but there was no mistaking _her_ reaction. "Good for you! That's always been a hard sell with Ben, ever since he was little. That Force-endurance trick of his hasn't exactly helped any."  
  
"Heh...so I've noticed." Good...Rylkir was starting to loosen up, just a bit.  
  
Then Dad cut straight to the point, and for a second Ben wondered if Ryl was going to bolt from the room. "So...Dr. Zarander. You served aboard the _Bellator_ if I'm remembering right..."  
  
Zarander offered a sharp, military nod to cover up the nervous swallow the question had elicited: Dad couldn't have said _I've been checking up on you_ any clearer than that. "Yes, General. That was my last posting before the Galactic Concordance. I held a few other positions before that...all Imperial Navy Medical Corps, Flight Medicine Division."  
  
When Zarander talked about his Imperial service, he was always careful to make that distinction. He'd been a shipboard doctor, never making landfall with the Army medics who, unlike their naval counterparts, had freely borne arms against non-humans and those humans ruled traitors to the Empire. The medical oath, as far as the Empire had been concerned, didn't apply to anyone who wasn't in good graces with the Emperor. And Zarander _also_ hadn't belonged to the Experimental Medicine Division, which had been responsible bioweapons, vivisections, interrogations, torture...all sorts of atrocities in the name of 'research.' Dr. Solo could _feel_ just how much Dr. Zarander longed for Mom and Dad to recognize that distinction for what it was.  
  
"Well...from what Ben's told me," Dad replied, "it sounds like you've done a lot of good since you got out."  
  
A flicker of indignation rose up in Rylkir. Ben didn't hear the thought itself this time, but if he had to guess, it was probably something like, _Hey--I_ did good _when I was with the Empire too!_ The older doctor bit his tongue though, and took the answer for what it was worth. Zarander settled for, "I try to, sir. Thankfully there's always a lot of call for my skill set around here...no shortage of patients on Coruscant."  
  
"That's for sure," Ben jumped in, trying to get his mentor off the hook. Rylkir had taken a big risk, in his mind, even setting foot in here with the Rebellion's most famous power couple. The last thing Dr. Solo wanted was for the older doctor to decide Ben had asked too much of him. "I don't think _any_ doctor could ask for a busier world to work on, no matter what their specialty. It gets to be a real headache for me sometimes with all of the different minds and emotions running around here--figuratively _and_ literally. Rylkir's been very understanding in helping me develop ways to deal with all the telepathic traffic around here, and figuring out how I could best use it in a hospital setting. He's been there all the way back to my internship."  
  
Zarander eked out a little smile. "If you'd told me a decade ago that a human could be a telepath without some serious cybernetic fakery, I probably would have said anyone who believed that was a gullible idiot and walked out of the room. Needless to say I know better now. And that doesn't even touch the _other_ stuff I've seen Ben do. Just to name one, I've seen him go down to the psych wing and use that telekinesis trick of his to get a violent patient to back down without anyone getting hurt...including the patient. I've definitely had to, ah...expand my beliefs a little bit since I met your son, when it comes to the whole Force thing."  
  
That brought a _real_ grin to Dad's face, much to Ben's relief. "Now that is something I can definitely relate to. I was pretty much the same way when Luke first came aboard the _Falcon_. Boy, did things _ever_ change for me after that."  
  
"I think it's changed for a lot of us on staff since Ben joined," Dr. Zarander said. "But I don't think people would have been that open if it weren't for the way Ben just... _talks_ to people. Makes them feel like he's listening, and he cares. That's not something that comes naturally to all of us in the profession. I mean, I wish it was, but if I'm being totally honest...it's not. So when you see it, you know it's something worth holding on to."  
  
Ben felt blood rushing to his ears and silently gave thanks he'd grown his hair long enough to keep them covered. "Thanks, Ryl," he mumbled--awkwardly, but sincerely.  
  
"Just stating the facts, sir," Zarander replied. "I know what I think of the old Jedi Order. But what I've seen from Ben has gone a long way towards convincing me Skywalker's new Order might actually do the galaxy some good. The old Order--even _before_ all hell broke loose--would never have rolled up their sleeves and _worked_ in an ordinary job the way Ben does most of the time. Or hell, even had a _family_ , you know, the stuff the rest of us do. I've got a lot more respect for that, than I do for those high-and-mighty old baby snatchers." The elder physician winced. "Sorry, Generals. The two of us are used to speaking pretty frankly with each other. I probably shouldn't be...well, talking like the old Imperial buzzard I am, in front of you guys, of all people."  
  
Mom sat up a bit--or at least raised the bed a bit to bring her to a sitting position. "When you consider that half of politics is about schmoozing and listening to people telling you what they think you _want_ to hear, being able to know where someone stands isn't necessarily a bad thing, even when they're completely on the other side of the issues from you."  
  
Zarander approached her bedside a little closer, though he still hovered well out of arm's reach. "Not sure how much this means from me," he said, "but I'm glad you made it. We may not see eye to eye on some things, but if this Republic is going to get by and not betray its people the way the old one did, it needs people who understand that words aren't going to cut it, and it needs to _fight_ to survive."  
  
Mom--the Lone Senator of the Alderaanian Diaspora--smiled. "Not the endorsement a lot of my colleagues would want me getting, but I _always_ accept well wishes from the people my son calls friends. I trust Ben's sense for people...and mine's not too bad either. You seem to have what counts."  
  
"Thank you, General." Zarander cut his eyes abruptly over to Dr. Solo. The younger doctor, for his part, could feel the man's endurance waning even though he seemed to have made a decent impression with Mom and Dad. "Well...I'd better be going and letting _all_ of you get your rest. Especially you, Dr. Solo. If you _do_ get some sleep over the next few days, I'll let Essesk know you're back on the schedule for that consult you were set for last week. But for now, you're still off duty until you get good and rested up. And if you don't take it from me, you'd better listen to _them_."  
  
"I read you loud and clear," Dr. Solo replied. And he did--both with his ears and otherwise. With that, Zarander quietly slipped out of the room, leaving Ben alone with his parents.  
  
Ben turned to his dad. "Please promise me you'll use the autopilot to get you back to the apartment...I think we're _all_ pretty worn out."  
  
"I hate the damn thing," Dad mumbled--but his heart wasn't really in it. "Especially on a rental."  
  
"Yeah, but we all know what Coruscanti traffic is like...doesn't matter what time of day or night." Both Solos rolled their eyes at that: it was said Coruscant didn't even _have_ a night cycle, not even on the upper levels where you could see the sun rise and set. "I'd feel a lot better knowing it's not a problem if you doze on the way back. I know how _I'm_ going to feel once I stop drawing so heavily on the Force...I can't imagine you feel any better."  
  
"Hm...well, you're probably right."  
  
Dr. Solo grinned. "I do that once in a while."  
  
Now Dad reached out to Ben--the prelude to a really good hug, which he wasn't about to refuse. "I am _so proud_ to have a son like you, Ben." He reached up and tousled Ben's long, black hair, leaving it to stick out in all directions. "I love you, kid."  
  
Ben pulled Dad tighter. "I love you too. I am so, so glad you're both here. Tell Ara and Hanna for me that I love them too." Ben's wife and daughter would be visiting again tomorrow after Hanna got out of school, but he well knew this was taking its toll on the entire family.  
  
"I will," Dad promised. Side by side, they walked over to Mom's bedside. Dad leaned over and gave Mom a kiss on the forehead, and she reached up to pull him tighter. "I love you, honey. You get some rest too."  
  
Mom smiled, looking over towards Ben. "Don't worry...I know I'm in good hands."  
  
"I _am_ going to be sleeping a lot," Ben clarified. "If this goes the way it did after I finished survival training, it could end up being a _really_ long time. So please don't hesitate to call a nurse..."  
  
"Maybe, but I'll still rest easy just knowing you're here." She stretched her arm out to him. "Come get your bedtime kiss." Ben happily obeyed. Mom pulled him tight into a hug. The thought whispered into his mind, but filled with so many depths of intent and meaning: _I love you, Ben._  
  
 _I love you too_ , Ben sent with all his heart, mind, and soul. Then he headed over to the cot in the corner of the room, laid down, and pulled the covers over himself.  
  
It wasn't long after he released his tight grip on the Force, that Dr. Ben Solo drifted off into a deep and peaceful slumber, free of nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: (“Heleus” from MEA, “New Worlds” from ME2)

**Author's Note:**

> SCIENCE NOTE: The symptoms Dr. Solo experiences at the beginning of the story are those sometimes associated with oncoming heart attacks in women. While sometimes women's symptoms can be the same as those most frequent in men, that's not always the case. [Definitely check this out](https://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/features/womens-heart-attack-symptoms#1)\--you never know if being aware could save a life.
> 
> CANON NOTE: I'm aware that medical practice has thus far not been officially defined the way I show it working here. And this fic is also a bit of a nod to James White's Sector General series, dealing with xenomedicine, in the way I handled the role of the diagnostician.
> 
> Soundtrack: ("A Better Beginning," "Voeld," and "No More Mercy" from Mass Effect: Andromeda [MEA])


End file.
